I’M NOT ISIS …I’M A HIPSTER!
Giles is battered in anti-jihadi attacks
WEIRD BEARDY:
Trendy Giles has
taken blows for his facial
hair A BEARDED hipster has been battered TWICE in the last fortnight by vengeful thugs who mistook him for an ISIS sympathiser.
Giles White, who spends most of his time in London’s uber- trendy Shoreditch area, was targeted in the wake of the horrific terror attacks in Paris two weeks ago.
The twin bruisings have left the trendy ponce, 37, a bundle of anxiety and fear, but he bravely came forward to raise awareness of his predicament and to save other hipsters from the same fate.
Hipsters typically dress like the inhabitants of 18th century Bremerhaven with beards similar to Victorian industrialists – but also the bloody, fanatical f** kwits of Islamic State.
e- Pipe
Clad in beards, tattoos, too- tight shirts and thrifty clothing, they are often pretentious and frequently mocked.
But this is believed to be the first time that they have suffered because of the cowardly actions of the IS scumbags.
Vintage tandem bike repairer Giles met Sunday Sport in his favourite bookshop café. Cradling his e- pipe and his pug Otis, he nervously eyed the door.
Shivering as he put down his organic peppermint tea, Giles confided: “I am a nervous wreck. Nothing helps, not meditation, not Bikram yoga, not gingerbread Martini, not even designing new artwork for my second sleeve tattoo.”
The first attack happened on Monday, December 16 as Giles returned from his evening class in Danish.
“There were these two youths who spotted me,” Giles said. “One shouted ‘ Oi Muslim! Oi Jihadi!’ and then they were on me.
“I tried to use my Tai Chi to defend myself but they beat me unconscious and stole my wallet, which was hand stitched by Peruvian monks. I got it when I went travelling.”
Just last weekend, Giles was set upon again – this time by a large man who yelled, “Go home ISIS,” before punching him in the face.
“It’s a nightmare. I feel I’m another victim of IS,” Giles said, nervously playing with the stitching in his tweed trousers.
“This needs to stop now, otherwise hipsters will become just yet another oppressed minority.” BAD BEARDIES: Islamic State fanatics bear similarities to hipster ponces