CROWD FUND PISSHEAD TAKING THE PISS!

DRUNKARD Thomas Hopkins has launched a crowdfunding appeal on the internet – to go on the PISS!

Jobless Hopkins, 53, claims he is “sick and tired” of scrimping and saving to buy his favourite Three Hammers Cider and wants the public to donate £ 100,000 so he can go on the mother of all benders.

The unsteady former postman from Leek, Staffs, slurred: “It’s hard to find enough money to stay on the piss all the time.

“I’ve sold everything in the flat – even the pipes and radiators – but there’s still not enough, and the benefits don’t even start to pay for my needs.”

Hopkins said he was inspired to launch his online scrounge after watching infuriating modern parents Adele and Matt Allen on ITV’s This Morning.

The simpering hippies launched a crowdfunding campaign to help them move to Costa Rica, to be self- sufficient.

Their one- year- old daughter Ostara pissed on the floor while their son Ulysses, 5, acted up. MEET THE COSTA: Hippies the Allens want cash to move LEND FOR A BENDER: Hopkins We get thousands of letters from couples who dream of an unknown stranger giving the wife or girlfriend a good seeing to. The thrill they get when ‘ hubby or boyfriend’ is told all the details of an encounter that their woman has experienced ensures plenty of excitement until the next date with an unknown man. This service was set up by women for the benefit of women who desire discreet meetings for ‘ no- strings’ sexy fun.