Energy drinks could lead to ‘catastrophic masturbation’

A TOP boffin has backed calls for a ban on the sale of energy drinks to under- 16s – claiming that the caffeine- packed pop can lead to “catastrophic masturbation”.

A review of worldwide evidence on energy drinks published last week links them to health complaints such as headaches, stomach aches and sleep issues.

Prof Lionel Farrington, of the University of West Lancashire – an expert in juvenile development – said: “A ban on these drinks – which are full of caffeine and sugar – is a very sensible move.

“The average 14- year- old lad, ripped to his tits energy drinks, will be up all night – almost literally pulling the end off.

“Masturbation is natural and usually harmless. But if you are full of caffeine, the tugging could reach catastrophic levels.” THERE are six villages in France called Silly, 12 called Billy and two called Prat.