AGONY

THE WORLD FAMOUS DO YOU HAVE A SEX PROBLEM? email: agony@sundaysport.co.uk Mail: Agony, Sunday Sport, MacLaren House, Talbot Road, Old Trafford, Manchester M32 0FP SE CONFIDENTIALX AGONY IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN ASSOCIATION

MY wife has decided to go on a diet ahead of us going on our holidays at the end of August – and I’m devastated!

She’s 15- stone with big, meaty tits and a fine flabby fanny. I like nothing more than getting between her big wobbly thighs and licking out her flowing juices.

When she’s on top, it feels like I’m being crushed by a massive sack of lard – I’m only eight stone – and I LOVE it!

But now she’s put herself on this low- carb diet and reckons she’ll have shed at least three stone by the time we go away.

There’s no way I want to screw the missus if she’s all skin and bones. What can I do? LEARN how to cook and rustle up some tasty, pies for her... and yourself while you’re at it! I’VE got what some people may regard as a bizarre fetish – I love to listen to ladies on the loo!

Whether they are doing a tinkle or a full- on number two, I love to hear them and imagine them at squat on the pan with their panties around their ankles. It always makes me whip out my six- inch love truncheon and rub one out there and then.

For the last two years I’ve been lucky because I’ve lived in a flat next door to a gorgeous blonde with big tits whose bathroom backs on to my living room – and I could heardeverything though the thin wall. Sometimes I could even hear the rustle of the paper as she wiped her whiskers. But now she’s moved out and a big, burly builder has moved in. The sound of him unloading doesn’t work for me. What shall I do?

LP, Newcastle MOVE to a new place and get a new fetish – before you get arrested. I don’t feel well, doctor… I’ve got a tummy ache Hmm… JK, W Yorks Say ‘ Aah’