TOP TIPS

LIKE Sunday Sport, Viz Top Tips are a national institution. And in this weekly feature, we bring you some of the very best from over the years… AS adverts on television tell us not to use light switches if we smell gas, I find it useful to have a candle ready for use in such emergencies. Mrs D. Bibby Rugby BEAT the credit card companies at their own game by running up massive bills on your credit cards then killing yourself before the statements arrive, thus avoiding repayment. D. Payne Middlesex WHEN out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always right. turning Mr B. M. W. Five-Series Aldershot AVOID being wheel clamped by jacking your car up, removing the wheels and locking them safely in your boot till you return. Angus Carr Oxfordshire CAR thieves. Always carry a spare can of petrol with you in case the driver has siphoned off all the petrol from his car and is carrying it round with him in one or two plastic buckets. A. Thief Kent DON’T risk drowning next time you travel by boat. Simply wear a pair of bicycle clips and fill you trousers with ping- pong balls. A. Clayton GFlasgow GIVE your bird box that ‘thatched cottage’ look by fixing two Shredded Wheat to the roof. A. E. Greenall Liverpool L11 RE- SPRAYING your car? Cover it with clingfilm first. If you don’t like the new colour, simply peel it off and start again. Denise Jordan Petts Wood SAVE money on doorbell batteries by removing them and simply popping to the door every two minutes to see if anyone is there. Rod Scott Leicester SNIP the tails off of several hundred small tadpoles using nail scissors to make a tasty ( and cheap) alternative caviar substitute. D. Tanby Formby