Spat at and bullied for being gay, but now Jimmy’s a Game Changer
MOMENT HE TRIED TO TO TAKE OWN LIFE WAS A WAKE-UP CALL
JIMMY Young had always known he was gay.
But growing up in Newcastle, he endured a childhood of relentless name-calling and playground fights.
Life got harder as he got older – he was spat on in the street and attacked by strangers at a Pride vigil.
Years of bullying at school, in public and at work finally took their toll on Jimmy and he felt he no longer deserved to live.
“One day, on my lunch hour, I decided to take my own life,” Jimmy said.
“It was a reaction and I hadn’t planned it. I was on a bridge in Newcastle and there were all the cars below me. I thought that if the fall didn’t kill me, a car going 50mph would.”
For years, Jimmy had tried to deal with his depression and intrusive thoughts on his own.
Doctors had rolled their eyes in the past when the Elswick carer tried to articulate his emotions.
Teachers had looked on with pity when his classmates called him a “Jessie” or asked why he “walked and talked like a girl”.
People in the street would turn away when strangers shouted homophobic slurs.
Just two years ago, as he walked to work in Newcastle city centre, Jimmy was spat on by a stranger. In his 20s, at a Pride event in Manchester, he was attacked by strangers as he walked with friends to a candlelit vigil.
“It shouldn’t happen, but it does,” Jimmy said.
With a past filled with hate, hurt and anger, Jimmy, now in his early 40s, felt nothing for his future and almost ended his own life.
“I don’t know why, but out of all the cars below me, one car caught my eye – it was a white Audi A1.
“It was coming down the slip road and I thought, ‘if they hit me, what happens to those poor people inside the car?.’ I worried about my own family and who would look after them. Even when I was trying to kill myself, I
wasn’t thinking of myself,”
Jimmy said.
“But this was the wake-up call I needed and since then, I’ve been working on myself and I know now how important it is to talk. It’s about knowing when to ask for help and not being afraid to do that.”
Now, with support from the NHS and Newcastle United Foundation, Jimmy feels hope for his future.
Jimmy began finding new tools to alleviate his feelings of social anxiety and isolation when he attended his first Newcastle United Foundation 12th Man session – part of the charity’s Be A Game Changer mental health awareness campaign.
Open to men aged 30 to 65, the 12-week health and wellbeing project explores ways to feel better physically through exercise, diet and sleep, but also addresses mental wellness with coping strategies and support for feelings of stress, anger and sadness.
“I wasn’t sure what to expect at the first 12th Man meeting at St James’ Park,” Jimmy said.
“At the time, I knew about the Foundation, but to be honest, I thought a lot of the charity’s work might be to do with football.
“Since being involved with it, I know now it’s so much more than that – it’s to do with community and helping everyone, no matter their age, ability, sexuality or race.
“At the first meeting, I wondered if it was for me, but you’ve got to persevere.
“I know it’s a cliche, but it really has been a game changer for me because it’s really helped me socialise and it’s helped me understand people, given me confidence and helped me speak out or ask for help – they’re things I’ve always been fearful of. Because I am gay, I am quite effeminate. I don’t mean to be effeminate, it’s just how I am and how I’m made. So especially being around blokes in a group like the 12th Man programme, I just thought I’m putting myself out there for more ridicule because it’s happened since I was a kid.
“But, when I was with these blokes, I was the one second-guessing their reaction, assuming they would think I’m gay and they’d be frightened by that.
“We did a lot of close, physical work together like boxing and I worried they’d think, ‘he’s gay so he’s after me,’ but it was only me who felt uncomfortable.
“The guys there, the Newcastle United Foundation team and the programme has really given me confidence and a purpose.”
Jimmy is sharing his story to coincide with Northern Pride – the North East’s LGBTQ+ festival which celebrates the community, reflects on its history and promotes an equal future.
This year, pride events across the globe were cancelled or postponed in the wake of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.
Northern Pride for 2020 – which took place yesterday – included a virtual march, performances on a main stage, information and advice from festival zones and, to close the event, a virtual candlelit vigil was held on Facebook and Youtube.
“Being part of the LGBTQ+ community is a different experience for everyone,” added Jimmy.
“For me, I always knew I was gay and it didn’t bother me, but it bothered everyone else. It got to the point where I questioned myself.
“They said you talk like a girl, you walk like a girl, do you want to be a girl?
“I was thinking, ‘have I been born in the wrong body?.’ I questioned whether I am male, to the point where I went to the doctors and things like that.
“I didn’t get the support I hoped for from the doctors then.
“I would ask them do I have enough testosterone or the right hormones and things like that and you’d see the eye rolls, the gasps.
“I’ve never been confused in my sexuality, but I’ve been forced to question it by other people. Even though I’m part of the LGBTQ+ group, I don’t always feel like I fit in anywhere.”
He adds: “I’m moving forward now and I know there will be bumps in the road.
“But it’s about asking for help when you need it.
“I feel more comfortable doing that now and I put a lot of it down the 12th Man though and the team behind it – Ollie, Sam, Thomas, Dougie and Meghan.
“If you’re struggling, ask for help.”
To find out more about Be A Game Changer, visit nufoundation.org.uk/ beagamechanger or join the Be A Game Changer Facebook community. To find out more about Northern Pride and LGBTQ+ support, visit northern-pride.com