Selhurst Park a charmless
Ihadn’t been to Crystal Palace for some years until Saturday. In my memory it was a dilapidated ground monitored by charmless club employees. Therefore it was reassuring for us sentimentalists to see customs and traditions being so scrupulously maintained.
The club’s website describes Selhurst Park’s: “Range of stylish and contemporary function spaces that can accommodate any type of event from business meetings to wedding breakfasts.”
If they ever diversify and make the place somewhere quarter-decent to watch a football match, then they will have really cracked it.
Before entering the stadium you have to exchange hostilities with the stewards. The one I saw was quite special in that regard. I am unused to being spoken to like that, but it’s my own fault for failing to attend borstal.
I was not searched, but he muttered the order: “Ah wanna see woss in your pock-it.”
I showed him. It was a plastic bottle of water. He snatched it from my hand. I snatched it back.
He informed me: “You carn take boh-ulls in.” He was quite the orator.
I told him I would drink it before entering as I was on medication. He then changed his mind and I was inordinately pleased with myself because he had fallen for my bare-faced lie.
I really shouldn’t have been allowed in with a bottle of water. However, once inside you are free to buy as many bottles of overpriced lager as your gullibility will permit. Where the customer is king.
I walked through the turnstile and checked the time. After reacquainting myself with the interior of Selhurst I also checked the year. Oh dear.
There was a six-year window