Ode to school

‘Stand in line’ the teacher said ‘I’ve got instructions from the Head You have to have your labels read We’ll see where you’ve been shopping’ ‘No Asda, Tesco or the rest You have to go where we think best And woe betide you if we’re not impressed When we see where you’ve been shopping’ ‘I have this sample in my hand If your pants match up well that’s just grand But if they don’t, you will be banned Because we’ll know where you’ve been shopping’ With kids lined up on this crazy day The test began, they had no say But are there really fifty shades of grey? No matter where you’re shopping. With nowhere to run, no place to hide The offending mites were identified In one fell swoop they were cast aside Just because of shopping. Now those kids turned up for education Not to suffer humiliation And it says a lot about our once great nation Degraded because of your shopping The head no doubt thinks she played it right Even a rare local Tory backed her fight It certainly put her name up in lights So I wonder where she goes shopping. Some parents said she deserves nowt but plaudits And the rule was made but some chose to ignore it But not a single thought for those who can’t afford it And need to save when shopping. There’s a requirement for standards even I’ll confess But the way this was handled was a total mess And has the Head ever checked how her own teachers dress? I doubt if she’d send them shopping. So the moral of the story is totally clear Cut some slack, don’t rule by fear Remember it’s Houghton, not North Korea And widen the scope for shopping. Derek Carter