Not a flicker on the Bieber Counter ...
Apple is investing $100million into a software development company which, in the words of their PR machine “could find the next Justin Bieber.”
One hopes that when this sophisticated social media tracking and musical analysis technology helps Apple find the next Bieber, that they do the honourable thing ... and silence him forever.
My better half (aka The German) has a whining Justin Bieber as her morning alarm call on the iPhone.
It works better than air raid warning Klaxon for getting you out of bed. Brilliant as an alarm, though I’m not sure the subsequent throwing of the phone off the nearest wall to silence the little bleeder Bieber is so brilliant for the mobile.
For the record, Apple is buying music analytics firm Asaii which tracks what people are listening to and monitors social media in the hope of spotting and then tracking down “the next big thing” in pop. It is, of course, all about the money.
Instead of sending expensive A&R men and women trailing up and down the country to spot talent in pubs and clubs, they simply plug their Bieber Counter (is that close enough to Geiger Counter to work as a joke?) into the Matrix, or whatever, and let the music loving public do the rest. It may well work...
My 17-year-old son Bradley has dreams of becoming a rock star. You’ve got to admire his pluck. Well, you have to admire it because, from a musical standpoint he doesn’t have much else for you to admire!
He can’t sing, can’t dance, and can’t play a musical instrument.
Brad does, however, have a name for his band and some lyrics. Which was a lot more than my first and only stab at pop immortality.
Aged 14, classmates Paul Nessworthy, David Iredale and I formed the Mortimer Comprehensive supergroup Yellow Zenith.
That band got as far as the drawing board, and no further.
I had one pop talent less than my own son. I couldn’t dance, sing or play an instrument, like our Brad, but I also didn’t have any lyrics.
My contribution to the ‘band’ was designing the album sleeve. For the record (quite literally in this case) it was an atomic bomb mushroom cloud with the words Yellow Zenith printed across the explosion.
‘Musical differences’ are often cited in the break up of bands. I like to think we were unique for splitting due to ‘musical similarities.’ Those musical similarities being we had absolutely zero musical talent!
Even the band name failed the rock ’n’ roll relevance test. We sounded less like a rock band and more like an upmarket custard.
Maybe our Brad, when he eventually learns to play the guitar, will be picked up by the Asaii pop talent app.
If not, I’d be quite pleased if they set the app to ‘the next Ed Sheeran’ and handed the findings over to the littleknown Russian record label Novichoc Hitmen Ltd, if you get my drift ...