Splitting hairs with a football character
There were a few snorts of derision when ex-England footballer Peter Reid claimed his recent hair transplant had nothing to do with vanity.
Why, the derision-snorters asked, pay the cash to bring back the follicles if not for the sake of appearance?
If it’s not vanity, as Peter insists, then it must be purely practical. He needs his hair to keep his head warm.
That being the case, surely a hat would be a far more reliable and cheaper option (the transplant was a hair-raising £7,000.)
Maybe he already has a large hat collection and he needs his hair to keep his hats in situ? The less hair you have, the smaller your head, resulting in severe hat slippage.
Hats on a bald Peter Reid could slip over his eyes. But, on further investigation, I suspect his ears would rescue the situation. Unlike his hair shortage, in the ear department, Mr Reid is, for want of a better word, blessed.
Personally, I take Pete at his word.
I mean, if you’re going to have a hair transplant for reasons of vanity, you wouldn’t opt for the sparse covering he chose.
Had he emerged from the operation sporting a mass of tumbling dark curls cascading down his back and over his shoulders, I’d have suspected he was yearning for a more youthful look.
As it is (see pictures above) the result is underwhelming. The sparsely covered bonce
has the distinct appearance of a ‘before’ image.
The only question Reidy’s hair transplant raises is: Who was the donor ... Duncan Goodhew?
There huge is, pressures of course, on people to retain their looks, as well as their hair. And no stone is left unturned.
Moisturiser extracted from snail slime was one present to be unwrapped over Christmas. Thankfully, it wasn’t one of my gifts.
Apparently the slime has unique anti-ageing properties.
I have no qualms about that, but it does make you wonder how the cosmetic companies discover these benefits. Do they have legions of staff smearing their faces in animal by-products in the hope that one sticks, or slips, as the case may be? Monkey urine? Yep, splash that on. Turtle excrement? I’ll test that as a face pack! Hands up who wants the Cockroach bile?
Keeping my youthful looks from a professional standpoint has been easy. I always hide when they come to take new photos for column bylines. The picture at the top of this page is at least 10 years old.
Outside of work, my skincare regime involves soap, water and covering as much of my face up with a beard as possible (my beard, in case your were wondering.)
As for hair-loss issues I am in the fortunate position of having no such problems.
It’s long and strong. Unfortunately, it’s flowing from my ears and nasal passages.