Learn the four steps to a civilised argument

“We’re tearing ourselves apart because of Brexit!” No we are not; people are falling out with one another because we need to learn how to have a civilised disagreement when passions run high.

A book of ancient wisdom, the Proverbs, is a huge practical help here. You will find it right in the middle of the Bible. Here’s a couple of examples; “A gentle answer turns aside anger”, “He who answers without listening, that is his folly and his shame”.

Yes, we can learn how to have a good argument, rather than a melt-down!

The atheist philosopher, Daniel Dennet, is incredibly helpful with this. He has four rules for disagreeing with someone. Here they are:

First, listen so carefully to your opponent that you can summarise her position so well that she says ‘I wish I had put it that way!’ So listen and understand.

Second, point out the things you both agree on. You hardly ever disagree on everything and this helps you both to be friends!

Third, point out anything you have learned from your opponent – listen for new information or a new perspective. Oh, and try hard to speak kindly, sarcasm ruins everything.

Fourth, only when you have done one, two and three have you earned the right to express you disagreement.

It is interesting that it took a modern atheist to express so well the principles set out in the Bible. It works out that way sometimes!

Try it, it really works; listen carefully, understand, speak kindly and attack the problem, not the person.