How do you make time for yourself?

‘Me time’ sounds like such a nice idea, so why is it so hard to achieve? Claire Spreadbury finds out

There has never been a more important time to put yourself first. To check in, see how you’re feeling, think about what you need, and schedule in some time just for you.

‘Me time’ sounds so indulgent, doesn’t it? Time to do whatever it is you want to do. But in times like this, it can be a bit of a life saver.

So, what happens if you find it almost impossible to do? I can’t remember a time when my evenings and weekends were ever quite so free. Yet when they roll around, I don’t seem to be spending any precious moments slathering on face masks while luxuriating in a hot bubble bath. Or closing the curtains and cuddling up with a film I’ve been desperate to watch for yonks.

Why is that?

“We think ‘me time’ needs to be grand or elaborate, so it overwhelms us and we don’t make a start,” says psychologist and wellbeing expert, Suzy Reading, whose book Self-care In Tough Times (£12.99, Aster) is out in paperback now.

People often feel guilty about taking time out, or feel they have to earn it first, she continues: “We have to see our ‘to do’ list through to completion before we can stop – and our ‘to do’ list today is endless, so when is there ever a ‘good’ time to rest?”

“I think the pandemic has been a very difficult and disorienting experience for lots of us,” adds psychotherapist Toby Ingham (tobyingham.com).

“In one way, we have more time at home, but in another, it becomes hard to enjoy that time. However, this is a learned behaviour – as children, ‘me time’ was usually play time – and was not associated with guilt. It was a time to have fun.”

So, it all comes down to habit, really? “Rest is not indulgent or lazy,” notes Reading.

“We must prioritise our health and wellbeing. Sometimes, rest is the most productive thing possible.”

HOW CAN I START?

Reading recommends beginning by recognising that me time is essential for coping with the stress and anxiety of daily life – and there’s a lot of that about at the moment.

“It’s not just a ‘nice to have’, it’s vital; but to dial down guilt, we need to connect with what me time facilitates in our life.” Think of it as making you a better parent, a more productive colleague or a happier partner.

It doesn’t take a lot, but it can make a big difference.

If it helps, make a plan for your me time. Set yourself a challenge to enjoy five minutes of me time every day, or 30 minutes three times a week – some people find it easier to stick to it that way.

It’s similar to running a race – before you signed up to that race, you never found the time to do any running, but once it’s in the diary, suddenly the training plan is almost immovable.

“The more we prioritise it, the better we will become at it,” says Ingham. “It’s like any habit.”

Diarise white space, so you can fill it with an activity of your choosing – it rarely happens on its own, concludes Reading. “Don’t let a moment of peace pass you by unnoticed – choose how you spend it.

“Do it even if you feel guilty. The washing can wait.”