Time to kick back
ENJOY SOME ‘MUM-ME' TIME THIS MOTHER’S DAY IN STYLISH CASUAL SEPARATES, SUGGESTS EMMA JOHNSON I CAN’T KEEP MOM ABOUT JEANS
WE need to talk about jeans. Actually, jeans have warranted our attention for some time. It is not exactly revelatory to say that buying jeans is not a fun experience.
I have had dental appointments that were more enjoyable than trying to purchase a new pair. At least when I step out of the dentist’s chair I know my teeth will be clean and intact. There is no guarantee when you hit the high street that you will actually come home with the perfect pair of blue skinnies.
A colleague of mine recently informed her primary school-age daughter of the denimrelated changing room nightmares that lie ahead for her. It is the least a mother can do for her daughter. I only hope she treated her to a lollipop afterwards to cheer her up (or is 11 too old for lollippops? I have no idea I still love Chupa Chups).
My main defence against the misery that is jean buying is avoidance.
I keep my denim wardrobe to a minimum only replacing when a pair is so worn out it has no choice but to be retired.
I currently own six pairs of jeans – one bleached/ ripped, one boyfriend, one dark blue skinny, one blue straight leg, one black straight leg and one coated denim for evenings. One of each style-ish. Or so I thought. Until I needed to replace one of the chosen and discovered that a straight-leg, slim pair of jeans that doesn’t cost a week’s wages is harder to track down than a Geordie girl wearing a coat in December.
Topshop – my long-time jean refuge – invited me to ‘meet my new jeans’ with the launch of its new denim campaign featuring ‘nine iconic styles’.
After wriggling into five of them: Jamie – the high-waisted skinny; Leigh – the mid-rise skinny; Orson – the high-rise slim leg; Lucas – the slim boyfriend and Straight – the mid-rise...um... straight, I found myself contemplating something I always prayed I would never have to face up to. The possibility that I might be – whisper it – TOFT (Too Old For Topshop).
Then, just as I was about to run out of the shop crying, I saw them.
Hanging there in all their twinkly glory were the jeans of joy. Dripping with crystals, Topshop’s ‘MOTO gemstone super rip Mom jeans’ couldn’t have been further from what I was supposed to be buying (straight-leg blue jeans, remember?) but my heart skipped a beat.
I needed them in my life. So I tried them on.
All was hunky dory until I looked in the mirror and the distinct whiff of mutton wafted into the changing room.
I couldn’t blame the jeans, they were still gorgeous. Just not on me. It was an ‘it’s not you it’s me’ moment of denim clarity.
It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow, and if I can offer any mums (or indeed anyone over the age of 22) a word of advice, I’d say it’s probably best we leave the ‘Mom’ jeans – so named because they are meant to be a cool spin on the formerly unfashionable jean shape loved by American mothers in the Eighties – to the kids...