The rise of the narcissist
WE all think we know one – whether it’s a colleague at work, a relative, a neighbour or some numpty on the telly.
Who am I referring to? I’d better get the conversation so it’s all about them because they are the ‘narcissists’ – the ones who are literally in love with themselves.
The name comes from ancient mythology and refers to Narcissus, a man so handsome that he turned down every potential suitor because they weren’t in his league.
Legend has it the gods punished his vanity by making him fall in love with his own reflection which he had glimpsed in a pool.
I reckon if he’d been around today he’d have been a shoo-in for Geordie Shore, Love Island or some other ‘reality’ TV event that heralds another small step in the regression and eventual death of western civilisation. Givowwer, man – these shows are like the ‘Ah love mesel’ Olympics – they make the nineties show ‘Eurotrash’ look like an award – winning episode of Panorama.
Anyway, to return to my original point, we all know who they are! Most of us can recall the mate on a night out, who was caught out lingering on their own reflected image for just those few seconds too long as they passed that full-length shop window. Despite their protests to the contrary, the fleeting look of transfixed, unadulterated joy you caught on their face couldn’t be adequately or convincingly explained away by the window display of Euro exchange rates or cordless hedge-strimmers.
Once they’ve had enough of a fix of drinking in their own reflection, however, our neighbourhood narcissist must then be the ringmaster of whatever circus is gannin’ on. He or she will always turn the conversation back to themselves and make sure they outdo you in whatever subject you’re talking about.
A conversation down the pub might start “What aboot the carryon at the Toon with Rafa?” The narcissist will soon twist it their way – “Aye – whatever, but did yiz knah ah was an excellent footballer mesel,’ ahve still got the muscly thighs an’ all – me designer jeans show them off great when I’m in the VIP lounge ...”
Nobody is allowed to outshine them and they will put anybody else down to make themselves feel better – even if it’s superficially ‘charming.’
“Oh what an interesting outfit, I can see what you’ve tried to do! It’s amazing how realistic some of these plastics can be – I almost thought it was leather under this strip lighting.”
Disturbingly, we live in times where social media has given our modern ‘neo-narcissists’ a whole new virtual stage on which to strut their stuff.
Facebook and Snapchat are awash with the self-obsessed, preening and pouting like freshlycaught guppy fish.
Moreover in this electronic hall of mirrors people, clothes, cards, food and even places are all are used as tools to glorify the self.
It’s no coincidence that many of history’s most infamous dictators – narcissists all! – have regularly used architecture to glorify themselves.
So your neo-narcissist neighbour’s new marble-look patio or ‘top of the range’ kitchen extension might not quite be the Colosseum or Nuremberg – but we all know what they’re gettin’ at! Hell’s bells, how can we even pretend it’s about owt else when the freakin’ photos they use are called ‘selfies.’
A mate of mine reckoned the real test of narcissism was if – in the highest throes of passion – the name you shouted out was your own!
Finally, if you can’t think of anybody amongst your circle who might be a narcissist – then chances are it’s probably you!
Mike is performing at the Stand Comedy club as part of a Benefit show raising funds for Stroke North East
He is also hosting a comedy extravaganza at Shotley Bridge Cricket Club on Saturday.