I’m still not 100% sure why my dad started writing porn
When Jamie Morton’s father decided to write erotica the result was comedy gold. MARION MCMULLEN discovers how reading chapters to best mates James Cooper and Radio 1 DJ Alice Levine became a podcast sensation, a best-selling book and now a hit tour
Jamie, why did your father decide to write erotica and what has been your mother’s reaction?
JAMIE: This is one of the biggest questions I have in my life: why did my dad start writing porn?
It’s a good question and I’m still not 100% sure on the answer. Neither is he to be completely honest! He was a recently retired builder so I think he was pretty bored and was looking for something to pass the time. He’d heard about the success EL James had with 50 Shades (which he calls Fifty Colours of Grey) and thought ‘if she can do it, so can I.’ It turns out he can’t.
I played the first podcast episode to my whole family to make sure they were happy before we released it. My mum’s so busy with her whole life, that she doesn’t take much notice to be honest. I think she’s just grateful that dad has a project that gets him out of her hair!
Did the overwhelming success of the podcast take you by surprise?
JM: I never dreamed that people all over the world would find my dad’s erotica as funny as we did but it’s so wonderful that they do.
It’s like we’ve created a creepy underground society and that really becomes apparent when we walk on stage and see thousands of people dressed up as the characters. JC: We were hoping we’d have a small, dedicated audience but never dreamt that the audience would be so large – we’ve just passed 100 million downloads – and that people would be so evangelical about the Belinda Blinked saga written by ‘Rocky.’
The first time we realised what we had on our hands was our first London live show just over a year ago, which sold out within minutes and crashed the venue’s website. ALICE: The boys tell me off for saying this, but I listen to the podcast quite often! What a saddo. But I think if you like something and find it funny that is a great first test.
How would you describe the live show?
JM: My dad’s books famously make no sense so even if you’re a Belinda virgin, you’ll be starting at pretty much the same place as everyone else. We’ve found that it’s the kind of universal humour that appeals to pretty much everyone. Bad sex writing is just really funny to dissect. JC: It’s just a FUN night out – you’ll definitely have a laugh but you might also need a shower afterwards.
We read a ‘Lost Chapter’ that you will never hear on the podcast but it’s a proper show rather than a straight podcast read. So, there’s loads of audience participation, videos and a very useful presentation on the female anatomy. Some people even dress up as characters – one couple came dressed as a pair of breasts. AL: Eye opening. You definitely Google ‘cervix’ at work the next day.
What’s been the feedback from your many celebrity fans?
JAMES: Our celeb fans have been amazing and so generous. We’d never met them before recording with them but they all just come round to our flats and chat like old friends.
Daisy Ridley came with two bottles of Prosecco in tow, George Ezra stayed until 2am gossiping and drinking red wine – we’ve had Elijah Wood, Stephen Mangan and others. Some have seen the live show. Michael Sheen came and ended up playing a character in the show. JM: There are Hollywood A listers like Nicholas Hoult, pop stars like George Ezra and sports legends like Rebecca Adlington.
Even the scriptwriter of The Devil Wears Prada, Aline Brosh McKenna, and the Oscar-nominated director of Room, Lenny Abrahamson, are fans.
So what is in store next for the Belinda Blinked saga?
JM: Series three ended on the mother of all cliff hangers.
People were genuinely comparing it to the season finale of Game Of Thrones – hilarious. Suddenly it appears that dad has learned how to write, at least a little, so I’m intrigued to dive into book four and see where he goes with it. AL: My wildest guess would still be tame compared to what Rocky would come up with. Some things are guaranteed – pots, pans and a lot of nakedness.
Do you have any favourite lines?
JM: There really are so many but I think my all-time favourite has to be when dad describesd a character’s nipple as being ‘as large as the three inch rivets which held the hull of the fateful Titanic together.’ Literature doesn’t get much better than that. AL: Describing someone’s member as the ‘flesh of mankind’ will never leave me. Whether that is good or bad, I’m not sure yet.