Blocking off your emotions is not a long-term solution
FEAR, anger, sadness, shame… we all experience emotions that are difficult to cope with. Sometimes we need to distract ourselves from our emotions or push them away to help us manage the situation. However, over-reliance on avoidant coping strategies usually leads to bigger problems down the line.
There are many reasons we might avoid certain emotions. For example, fear of being overwhelmed, because we have learned not to trust our emotions or simply because they are painful to experience. Unhelpful beliefs and assumptions such as “showing my emotions makes me weak”, “if I start crying I won’t be able to stop” or “being angry means I’m out of control” can also get in the way.
It’s easy to forget that we need our emotions to survive. For example, if we didn’t experience fear we wouldn’t run from danger, if we didn’t get angry then we would never defend ourselves and if we didn’t feel love we wouldn’t take care of our children.
Our emotions serve vital functions; they give us important information, communicate to others and prompt us into action.
Guilt, for example, often tells us that we have acted in a way that has hurt another person and therefore prompts us to show remorse and repair the damaged relationship.
Learning to tolerate difficult emotions, to accept them and even welcome them can reap rewards in terms of our ability to understand our own emotions and the emotions of others.
Here is a simple exercise to help you connect with your emotions. In a safe and quiet place, bring to mind a recent situation that was difficult or painful. Remember it in as much detail as possible; visualise where you were, who was there, what you said, did, thought and felt.
Now see if you can notice what emotions have shown up. Notice where they are in your body. Concentrate on the part of your body where you can feel the emotion the most, perhaps your chest, head or stomach. See if you can observe the emotion with a child’s curiosity. Is it hot or cold? Moving or still? Intense or faint? Now take some deep breaths, allowing your body to loosen up and make space for your emotions. Watch what happens to your emotions for a few minutes, without trying to change or block them, simply allowing them to be there, just as they are. Bottling up anger is not always healthy