Overcoming separation anxiety
NE day you are playing with your baby when you decide you’d like a drink. You get up to go to the kitchen and suddenly your baby – who previously hasn’t seemed particularly bothered by your comings and goings – starts crying and frantically gesturing for you.
For the next few weeks they are clingy and tearful whenever you leave the room, even for a minute.
This is separation anxiety, and while it can be both distressing and frustrating for parents, it’s a normal part of a child’s development. Rather than indicating that something is wrong, separation anxiety is usually a sign of the strong bond you have with your child and shows that they are working through some important developmental milestones.
The first phase of separation anxiety often coincides with the development of object permanence: the ability to understand that objects (including people) still exist when they can’t be seen or heard. Once a child understands this, the world suddenly becomes a very scary place – they know when you’re there and they know when you’re gone but what they don’t yet understand is when, or even if, you will return! Separation anxiety usually emerges between the ages of 6-12 months. It’s not uncommon for separation anxiety to reappear in phases up until the age of four, as your child masters new skills and learns more about how the world works. As a parent, there are simple steps you can take to help your child learn that separation from you is temporary and that you will return. PRACTISE SEPARATION GENTLY – Start with separations lasting a few
minutes and gradually build up to longer periods. Leave your child with someone they know and in a familiar environment. Leaving them with a favourite toy or blanket can help them feel safe and secure.
DEVELOP A GOODBYE ROUTINE – A simple sequence of events that signifies your departure, for example, giving your child a cuddle, saying “it’s time for Mummy to go now, I’ll be back later” and wave through the window can help prepare your child and give them reassurance. Don’t make a big fuss about leaving as this will likely cause more distress. BE CONSISTENT – the more consistent you are the easier it will be for your child to develop the confidence that whenever you leave, you come back. When you do return, let your child know how much you’ve missed them and give them lots of love and attention.