Showing off bloke skills with ‘man movie’ lines
FROM Boris Johnson’s lame preelection “May the fourth be with you” to a drunk gadgie quoting Gerry McGuire by shouting “show me the money” at a bank machine on Northumberland Street – men love to quote from movies, it’s in our DNA.
It’s one of those blokie rituals like two-hour conversations on Jackie Milburn time travelling to join Keegan’s 95/96 entertainers, or arguing whether Leonardo Di Caprio’s body should really have sank at the end of Titanic. “Surely the trapped air in his clothing would have given buoyancy?”
The ladies don’t get it. I have never seen a girl get up at a barbecue, smell the tang of lighter fluid in the air and then growl in a Robert Duvall voice: “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”
Every bloke attending will pick up on the Apocalypse Now reference and within a minute there will be at least one reply of “Charlie don’t surf” or “the horror, the horror” It’s a way that we deal with social/emotional situations in a way that evokes male bonding (we aren’t talking quiz show catchphrases here).
A well-placed quote will allow the speaker a chance to show both his bloke skills and his knowledge of the official approved list of ‘man movies’.
I have yet to see a bloke tell his mate he’s funny and not be confronted by the reply: “Funny? Funny how? Funny like a clown is funny? Am I here to amuse you, what the **** is funny about me?”
No matter that your Joe Pesci sounds like Charlie Drake, the man magic is created as every bloke is transported back to that legendary scene from Goodfellas.
Any man of a certain vintage, when given an object that looks vaguely like a radio handset, will rumble in a clipped Richard Burton Where Eagles Dare lilt:“Broadsword callink Denny boy, Broadsword callink Danny boy, Cahm in Denny boy.”
We do our training for this skill in childhood, using adverts as our raw material. Most adults could finish the lines: “The Milky Bar kid is... , “Ah’d climb a moontain for a... ”, “Cresta pop, its... ” and “Trebor mints are a...” (N.B on the final one the playground chant of where to stick them to make them last a bit longer doesn’t count).
Later generations have their own references. I remember as a teacher in the early 90s the amount of playground casualties caused by the Tango adverts.
They were surprisingly popular in Liverpool where the concept of orange people slapping each other over drinks was seen as normal – only kidding my scouse brethren!
If only Boris would be introduced at a future cabinet re-shuffle by the chief whip announcing in their best Al Pacino voice: “Say hello to ma li’l fwend.”
To which Jeremy Corbyn could retort in disgust, using his best Michael Caine: “You’re a big man but you’re outa shape, I do this for a livin’, so behave!”
Mike is performing at the Newcastle Stand on Monday September 10.