The languages of love
WHEN it comes to love, we all speak different languages. Your love language encapsulates both the way you communicate love and how you perceive expressions of love from others.
According to Dr Gary Chapman, author and marriage counsellor, understanding your love language and that of your partner is central to the success of the relationship.
In his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, he suggests there are five primary love languages to look out for.
QUALITY TIME:
For people who speak the language of quality time, the most powerful expression of love is having someone’s full and undivided attention. Another person being there, fully present, without distractions is what love is all about.
Having half an eye on your phone, cancelling plans or not listening properly are likely to be especially hurtful for someone who speaks this language.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
For speakers of this language, hearing the words “I love you” and the reasons why are hugely important. Kind words, praise and compliments are how to make them feel loved and appreciated.
Criticism or insults are keenly felt and could be particularly damaging to the relationship.
PHYSICAL TOUCH:
A person whose primary love language is physical touch thrives on physical intimacy. Sex is important but it’s not the be all and end all. Hugging, holding hands and thoughtful, deliberate, physical contact of any kind speaks volumes.
Being absent, avoiding or neglecting the physical aspects of the relationship could lead to problems.
ACTS OF SERVICE:
For someone who expresses and receives love through acts of service, actions definitely speak louder than words. Doing kind and helpful things for this person, especially if it eases pressure on them, is the surest way to make them
feel cared for.
Increasing their workload or failure to honour your commitments in the relationship won’t be well received.
RECEIVING GIFTS:
This isn’t about being shallow or materialistic. Speakers of this language simply thrive on the underlying effort and expression of intimacy that goes into a thoughtful gift.
Gifts and gestures are physical representations of the connection to each other and tell them they are valued and cared for.
By comparison, thoughtless or tactless gifts will suggest they are not held in high esteem. ■ To discover your love language, take the online quiz at 5lovelanguages.com