MISTLETOE AND WHINE?
Marion McMullen looks at some of the strangest Christmas records ever released
STAR Trek’s William Shatner, left, is boldly going this Christmas where few celebrities have gone before. The Captain Kirk actor has brought out his first festive album called Shatner Claus. It sees him sing seasonal favourites like Silent Night with Iggy Pop, Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer with ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons and O Come, O Come Emmanuel with Rick Wakeman. IGGY Pop must love a good festive singalong. The godfather of punk also sang Little Drummer Boy on Michel Legrand’s 2011 album Noel! Noel! Noel! and brought out his own version of the Bing Crosby favourite White Christmas in 2013 for the Psych-Out Christmas album. The Irving Berlin song has also been covered by Peter Andre, John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, and Iron Man’s Robert Downey Jr with US singer Vonda Shepard. ACTOR Christopher Lee, below, went heavy metal for his 2012 EP. It included heavy metal covers of Drummer Boy and Silent Night and he followed it up a year later with
A Heavy Metal Christmas Too featuring a song called Jingle Hell.
His last festive contribution before his death in 2015 was simply called Darkest Carols, Faithful Sing. BRITISH actor Anthony Daniels, below, best known as Star Wars robot C-3PO, sang and narrated 1980 album Christmas In The Stars. It also featured Jon Bon Jovi, under his real name of John Bongiovi, singing the lead on R2-D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas. MAX Headroom was a computergenerated TV character played by American actor Matt Frewer in the 1980s. He wore make-up to look like his virtual self, and as Max Headroom, brought out Merry Christmas Santa Claus (You’re A Lovely Guy) in 1987. It included lines like “he bestrides the world like a huge co-coco-colostomy” and not surprisingy did not become a festive classic. BAYWATCH and Knight Rider star David Hasselhoff’s 2004 album The Night Before Christmas has been called one of the worst festive recordings of all time. It features the “Hoff”, right, singing 14 seasonal standards including a reading of the poem Twas The Night Before Christmas which lasts almost seven minutes. SINGER songwriter John Denver, pictured, went for a tear-jerking offering in 1975 with Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk On Christmas) about a young child begging his father to stay sober and not pass out under the Christmas tree... again.
MONTY Python’s Eric Idle, below, turned the air blue for Christmas with F**k Christmas from the 2006 album of the same name. The stronglyworded rant threw expletives the way of Santa, reindeer, snow, mistletoe, carols, elves and basically all things Christmas. SOUTH Park featured a Christmas-themed episode in 1999 and released an album to tie-in with the festive special. Mr Hankey’s Christmas Classics included tracks like Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo, Christmas Time In Hell and The Most Offensive Song Ever. Mr Hankey himself appeared on the front cover wearing a Santa hat and sitting in front of a fire.
BACK in 1963 British comedy actress Dora Bryan, below, was singing All I Want For Christmas Is A Beatle with the lines: “All I want for Christmas is a Beatle/ Not a teddy bear, just a Beatle/I told mum nothing else would do/There are four, so she can have one too.”