Thomas left in no doubt that it’s his sister who is the boss...

DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS

‘HOW lovely, twins, they’ll always have a friend,’ was my first thought.

Naturally, I assumed they’d be pals rather than sworn enemies, but reality doesn’t always follow my ambitions. The problem seems to be there’s a dominant force in the relationship.

Surprisingly, it’s the woman who’s the top dog and stays there in a way familiar to anyone who’s watched a documentary about the work of the Kray twins.

Emma governs her ‘manor’ with a threepronged approach.

Firstly, there’s the biting. If Thomas defies her will and refuses to toe the line, she nips him. Luckily, it’s at the stage now where all she has to do is show her teeth and he caves in.

Apparently, this kind of behaviour is common but in a court of law, it’s technically grievous bodily harm.

The second is really just street robbery.

I’ve watched her crouch by the sofa, waiting for him to pass with his favourite talking teddy bear. She’ll suddenly spring up, follow him, push him over then tower above him and snatch the toy. If he attempts to fight back or resist her, she’ll simply bare her teeth.

Even more worryingly, she often brings the teddy to me, as a form of bribe, making me an accessory to the crime.

It’s almost as if she’s buying

my silence with a share of the loot.

Thomas is learning to live with the constant threat of crime by taking simple precautions. He tries not to travel far with anything precious, doesn’t cross the living room floor if she’s watching and likes to stay close by the authorities (me). Finally, there’s burglary.

They sleep in different cots but next to each other for companionship. Or maybe for the enterprising criminal to reach through the bars and steal what belongs to the other one.

Thomas knows better than to take from the boss, but Emma is not afraid to burgle her neighbour.

Every night, they go to bed with their favourite toys and in the morning, Emma has mysteriously acquired all of his.

I’ve even seen her on the video monitor tear the dummy from his mouth and wave it at him through the bars.

We’ve tried to end her reign of terror with explaining and a little bit of shouting but the responsibility rests with Thomas. He needs to rise up and fight his oppressor.

What I don’t understand is where Emma got the idea she could treat Thomas as her victim.

And why Thomas has learned to live in fear for an easy life.