Feeling the love for New Romantics?
WEEK 11 of the ‘new normal.’ New normal?
How would that phrase sound to our earlier selves before our world tilted off its axis in March?
How would we have used it? To this radgie, ‘New Normal’ definitely sounds like a perfect name for an early Eighties new-wave band and ‘Social Distancing’ would most certainly be a fitting title for their debut album.
You can imagine the cover; a monochrome shot of a bunch of moody-looking public school boys – all standing two metres apart from their lead singer. He’s a floppy haired extrovert called BoJo. They’d all be facing mysteriously
away from each other. That is except for his guitarist Dom, who’d be conspiratorially glancing over his shoulder at BoJo.
In the distance, Barnard Castle would be on the horizon – but ever so slightly out of focus...
In the music businesses, everyone secretly suspects Dom of composing all the songs and lyrics for New Normal but it is BoJo who always takes the sleeve credits for writing them. But nothing can be proved.
(It was rumoured that Dom anonymously penned a number of hits for other Eighties bands including It’s Immaterial’s 1985 classic ‘Driving Away From Home,’ ‘I like Driving in my Car’ by Madness and Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Tell me Lies.’)
NME and Sounds would do an in-depth interview and inquire how such an obviously privileged bunch of posh boys could have such a strong following, especially amongst the unemployed youth in the North.
Surely, argues Danny Baker, they’d be more likely to listen to the political Billy Bragg style protest songs of the north London-based band ‘The Corbynistsas’ with their grungy front man ‘Red Jezza.’..
Disappointingly, their last album ‘Momentum’ absolutely tanked, being comprehensively outsold by BoJo’s posh boys and their up-beat floor filler ‘Let’s get it done!’
Shortly after this, the Corbynistas quietly ditched their frumpy front man due to ‘creative differences’ – but not before he’d penned his farewell solo anthem ‘Comrades, we’ve won the argument.’
This quickly ended up in the bargain bins of Woolies and on marketstalls along with other stinkers like Call me Dave and his Europop flop ‘Ask the People.’
Similarly, his colleague who was also signed to the TrueBlue label – Punk diva Theresa Maybe – famously committed career suicide while breaking into a coughing fit whilst miming to her forgettable dirge ‘I’m So Strong and Stable Baby’ on Top of the Pops.
Older readers will also remember the studio backdrop falling down as she struggled in front of a massive TV audience.
However, the Corbynistas didn’t give up. They recruited a new wellgroomed and suave frontman Keir Starmer, who admittedly looked like a reject from Spandau Ballet, and they hoped to get all their old fans Back from BoJo and his crew.
They even chose a new name referencing one of their main earlier influences – ‘Blairground Attraction.’ (They infamously disappeared after their disastrous Stranglers cover ‘Gordon Brown.’)
To return to our current vocabulary as a band context, ‘Lockdown’ sounds like the B side of the Washington-based American Punk Rockers ‘Fake News,’ whose new single was entitled ‘Hey Dudes – let’s Go Drink Bleach!’
Their crazy singer Orange Donnie was famed for his sexist, insensitive and downright outrageous lyrics – whilst enjoying a tempestuous relationship with the press.
He had a long-running off-stage spat with the band China Crisis, blaming them for his own declining sales and falling popularity.
Rumours of his off-stage antics while on tour made Led Zeppelin sound like the St Winnifrid’s School choir!
His previous single ‘I’m Gonna Grab You by Your ****** ’ was rightly banned by all radio stations, and his fans have gained a reputation – fairly or not – as rednecks, hoods and juveniles.
Whatever music you’re into, stay safe pets.