ASK THE EXPERT
QSINCE the coronavirus pandemic started, my eightyear-old daughter has been very anxious about catching the virus and is nervous about people coming near her or touching anything at all outside. How can I stop her being so anxious?
ACLINICAL psychologist Dr
Malie Coyne, right, a lecturer at the National University of Ireland
Galway and author of
Love In Love Out – A Compassionate Approach to Parenting
Your Anxious Child (published by Thorsons, £14.99), says: “Parents play a crucial role in containing their child’s anxiety, and in finding the tricky balance between helping them to feel safe and empowering them to test their fears.” To find this balance, Dr Coyne developed the four steps of the SAFE Chain of Resilience:
Self-care: How do you feel when she’s anxious? What messages might you be conveying in the way you respond (through words and body language)? Do you feel calmer when you’ve looked after your own ‘self-care’ needs?
Anchoring: In the midst of a fight or flight situation, remaining calm and using relaxation or stress reduction techniques will facilitate your daughter tuning into what’s happening inside her body, imagining her heart and breath slowing, her chest softening, relating to herself with kindness as she rides the fear through.
Feeling felt: Although it’s tempting to try to ‘stop’ your daughter’s anxiety by problem-solving her feeling, what she needs from you during an anxious moment is to ‘feel felt’ and truly understood. Breathe and reflect back her words: ‘You’re scared you might catch the virus if you meet someone on our walk today. That must be hard.’
Empowerment: Talking to her about how her anxiety affects her thoughts, feelings and behaviour will empower her. Designing a ‘fear ladder’ together may help, where she’s encouraged to face fears in tiny steps, mastered at her pace.