We could only visit our baby one by one at the hospital, but we’ve had the best help
PAIR’S STRUGGLE AFTER PRE-ECLAMPSIA LEADS TO PREMATURE BIRTH AMID COVID
THE lockdown has been tough on us all, but for families bringing their children into the world, it has brought an extra challenge.
James Roberts and his wife Laura had a perfect birth plan and were looking forward to meeting their first child.
But after a routine check-up at 31 weeks, Laura was admitted to the Royal Victoria Infirmary in Newcastle with suspected preeclampsia and it all began to change.
James, a 36-year-old hotel manager from Scotswood, said: “It was already a scary and difficult situation even without Covid.
“I couldn’t go in with Laura so she was on her own, I was left walking around the area not knowing what to do. It was awful.
“Five hours later she was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and I was told that my wife wouldn’t be coming out until she had had the baby. We were told it was a 14-day window of waiting to give birth.
“On the first night, she was put into the delivery suite so I was able to be inside the building.
“The next day her blood pressure was fine so she was put onto another ward and I was told to leave. It was awful leaving her.
“On Christmas Day I could see her for an hour and went home to an empty house.”
James and Laura’s son, Ethan, was born eight weeks early on December 30 weighing only 3lbs.
The couple were only able to see their son for 30 seconds before he was whisked to the special care baby unit (SCBU).
Due to being severely ill, Laura had to wait 26 hours to meet Ethan
properly. James could go in as often as he wanted but had to follow strict Covid restrictions. He said: “We had time to prepare but nothing is going to make you ever feel OK seeing your baby full of tubes and needing oxygen. It was shocking and upsetting to see.
“Then I could only see Laura for an hour. We couldn’t go in together at the same time. “Once Laura was discharged, we would go into hospital but it would be one by one. We couldn’t go in together, share moments. It’s not really how you want to spend time with your firstborn. “Eventually, Laura went back onto the ward to prepare to come home but I could only see my family for one hour a day. It was awful. How do you do anything else and walk away from your family?”
At this point, James began to suffer in silence as he wanted to put a brave face on for his wife. James saw a post in the family room about the SCBU Dads’ Team, a support group made up of volunteer fathers, and decided to contact them. Meanwhile premature baby charity Tiny Lives supported him, and the SCBU staff would often send updates and photos through an app, which is funded by Tiny Lives.
And on James’s birthday, the SCBU staff uploaded a photo of Ethan with a happy birthday message comment underneath and left a card they had written from Ethan beside his incubator.
James said: “Both teams were exceptional for us. The number of people the SCBU staff have to deal with, and they did this. I cried my heart out. They are such busy people but took the time to do that.
“At one point I really struggled. I didn’t let my wife know as I didn’t feel it was the right time to let her know I was having a bad day. She needs the best version of me to help her.
“Having the Dads’ Team to talk to and speaking to someone impartial was great as men especially do tend to be poor at saying we need help.
“There is a tendency not to ask the man how he is. Over the whole period that my wife was in hospital, the questions were ‘how are your wife and baby?.’ Rarely did anyone ask how I am.
Wanting to give something back, James now volunteers for the team to use his experience to help other dads.
The Dads’ Team’s five main members, Steve, Adam, Richard, Howard and James, have supported hundreds of fathers over the last two years.
The dads are currently offering
Nothing is going to make you feel OK about seeing your baby full of tubes and needing oxygen
James Roberts
support through Zoom meetings on Monday nights but are also planning to launch a scheme called Walk While You Wait. The aim is to give dads the opportunity to go on a socially distanced walk with another dad to help support them while they wait to see their families.
And James feels he can bring his new experience of what it is like to bring a child into the world during the coronavirus pandemic.
From conversations about baby to finances and football, the team are open for a chat and to support dads through the hardest of times.
More information about the Tiny Lives’ Dads’ Team is available on the Tiny Lives website.