The Chronicle (South Tyneside and Durham)
Book a window seat with Rhine air
ANDY LINES joins a magical cruise down one of Europe’s most famous rivers aboard a new ship Emerald Luna... which boasts an impressive trick
I PRESSED the switch on the wall and the 10ft panoramic window – the entire length of the cabin – immediately opened.
Our indoor cabin had quickly, and very impressively, become an outdoor one.
It meant my wife Lois and I could sit sipping a glass of very decent German white wine and watch the world go by on our cruise down the Rhine.
The new Emerald Luna ship is full of such simple but brilliantly innovative technological ideas.
I’d never been on a cruise ship where the flick of a switch dramatically changed your cabin – with the “magic window”, as I dubbed it, allowing fresh air inside.
We were barely a yard above the waterline of the world-famous Rhine and it certainly gave us a very special experience on the entire journey from Holland down to the Swiss city of Basel.
The Rhine really is a magical river. It rises in Switzerland and joins the North Sea in Rotterdam and there are a huge number of vessels that use it on a daily basis.
From the kayaks, canoes, speedboats and jet-skis to enormous petrol tankers, freight carriers and cruise ships, every section we travelled on was in extensive use.
There are stunning riverside campsites right next to huge car factories.
From leisure to industry, this river is the lifeline for hundreds of communities throughout Holland, France, Germany and Switzerland.
Our own voyage started in Amsterdam. We enjoyed a quiet day by the canals before we returned to the ship and headed south.
Our first stop was Cologne. The bars and cafes around the stunning cathedral were teeming with locals and tourists enjoying a Sunday afternoon in the sunshine.
Next was the historic city of Koblenz. Nestled where the Rhine and Moselle rivers meet, the city gets its name from the word “confluence”.
It is an amazing place, with a huge statue of Emperor Wilhelm I riding his horse on reclaimed land where the rivers meet at Deutsches Eck headland (German Corner). It had been badly damaged in an air raid in the Second World War and removed. But after much local debate, a new statue was erected in the 1990s. It may have been politically controversial but the statue is now a major tourist attraction in the city and towers above both rivers.
Nearby, high water marks have been etched in stone to illustrate some of the huge flooding which has affected the area.
Just around the corner three huge pieces of the Berlin wall, torn down in 1989, have been transported and cemented into the ground.
One local had poignantly chalked words “No War” inside a heart on the ground next to them.
It seemed particularly apt given the current conflict in Ukraine and many tourists stopped to pose for photos.
We then took a cable car up to the city’s imposing Ehrenbreitstein Fortress.
It swoops low over the Rhine and some of the cabins have glass-bottomed floors to allow for spectacular views over the river.
The huge fort is fascinating, with a history going back centuries.
But soon we were back on board heading down the middle section of the Rhine, which features jawdropping scenery, stunning castles and legends such as the siren of the Lorelei rock.
Huge cliffs plunge down to the banks but our view wasn’t the best as it started to rain and a heavy mist descended – we chuckled as we thought about the “Fog on the Rhine”!
Next stop was Mannheim. A bus took us to the nearby medieval city of Heidelberg with its massive castle where we enjoyed wine-tasting in the cellar with some of the world’s largest wine vats.
The city is also home to some of the most expensive properties in Europe, with houses starting at £5million. Tennis legend Steffi Graf and former German Chancellor Helmut Kohl used to own villas on the banks of the River Neckar.
Heidelberg was virtually unscathed during the war, which means its magnificent castle and half-timbered buildings remain a delight.
Back down the Rhine we stopped at the great European city of Strasbourg. Our mooring was in the main Rhine port and it was fascinating to see the huge industhe
trial cranes working. The city centre is lovely and the Petite France area is fascinating.
Our final stop on the way to Basel was the German town of Breisach.
We decided to forgo the excursion to a museum in the Black Forest and just strolled around the town.
It was lovely to have some time to ourselves and take in a place that’s not well known as a tourist hotspot.
When our fellow guests returned they raved about the beautiful Black Forest scenery on the three-hour round trip.
LIFE ON BOARD
Aboard the 180-passenger, 443ftlong Emerald Luna, whose cabins are five-star-hotel quality, the food was superb.
There was an omelette station at breakfast, and a pasta station at lunch, plus the chance to order steaks, fish and local specialised delicacies from the a la carte menu.
There were different wines each evening with a team of eager waiters topping you up at regular intervals.
All tips and gratuities were included so there were none of those awkward and embarrassing situations you can find on other cruises.
Tea and coffee were free and there were three drink packages on offer: £8.50 a day for soft drinks and mocktails; £12.50 for wine, draft beer and soft drinks; and £24.50 for everything including cocktails.
There was also the usual standard cruise fare of quizzes, recitals and films. The swimming pool is small but there is a jet you could turn on to allow a proper swim against the current, and the roof can open in fine weather. At night, at another flick of a switch, it’s covered with a wooden floor and becomes a mini cinema.
On the top deck the “lawned” sun deck reaches from the bow to the stern, with a walking track round it. The ship has several bikes on board which are available for use at no extra cost. It was great in some of the smaller ports to be able to grab a bike and cycle off for a look round.
Cleanliness levels were second to none. All staff wore masks at all times and there were sanitation gels available.
Any complaints?
Not really. Meal times were a little rigid and at times there was almost too much to do. But overall we loved it.
FOR a long time, comedian Joe Lycett admits he “didn’t really get Pride”.
“I couldn’t understand how I could be proud of something I didn’t have a choice in,” the 33-yearold comedian says of the annual LGBTQ+ movement, which this year celebrates 50 years in the UK.
“I didn’t choose to be bisexual. But as I’ve grown I’ve realised I did have a choice, a choice to be open and brave and say, ‘This is who I am’.
“I think Pride is many things to many people, but to me it’s pride in taking that leap.”
Pride is observed each June to honour the 1969 Stonewall riots in Greenwich Village in Lower Manhattan, New York City.
A police raid in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, at the Stonewall Inn sparked several protests.
Patrons of the Stonewall and other Village lesbian and gay bars, as well as people from the neighbourhood, fought back when police became violent.
Pride commemorates the coming together of people in love and friendship, in turn offering up an entire month of events dedicated to the uplifting of LGBTQ+ voices and culture and the support of LGBTQ+ rights across the globe.
Since 1972, men, women and non-binary protesters have marched through the streets of Britain for recognition and equality. But its half-century anniversary has served up its best month yet.
Joe, for one, is getting in on the action by hosting a dazzling party live from Birmingham.
Titled Joe Lycett’s Big Pride Party, the two-hour inclusive spectacular – part of Channel 4’s Proud All Over programming – will see the lovable stand-up comic and consumer warrior celebrating all things LGBTQ+ alongside a host of famous faces.
“Hopefully, it’ll be thoughtprovoking, nostalgic, a little moving and ideally funny!” he says.
“All are welcome, and we have an insanely good line up!”
Joining Joe for the night will be fellow comedians Mawaan Rizwan and Rosie Jones, whilst confirmed to perform are Boy George and Culture Club, Steps and Self Esteem.
Also on the guest list are Olympic athlete Dame Kelly Holmes, who only last week came out as gay, Eastender’s Danny Dyer, comedian Mae Martin, the cast of hit Netflix drama Heartstopper, acting legend
Dame Joan Collins, comedians Tom Allen and Gina Yashere, plus drag stars Tia Kofi, Lawrence Chaney and Adam All.
“Our line up is sensational, and I feel spoilt as it is!” Joe admits. When pushed on his dream guest he says: “My queer icon growing up was Quentin Crisp, but alas he’s been dead for some time.
“I would’ve loved to meet him and interview him. Thankfully there’s some amazing stuff on Youtube, so I can get my fix!”
Guaranteeing mayhem, mischief and naughty stunts, the extravaganza will also be reliving the queer telly that shocked Britain, whilst the specially invited audience – made up of LGBTQ+ icons, allies of the LGBTQ+ community and local heroes – will be sharing
their own stories of Pride.
Plus, Joe – known for his elaborate social media feats – will be pulling off one his most ambitious stunts to date, which involves a load of MPS and an impromptu statue in Westminster.
“We will be highlighting some of the issues facing our community today in a fun and light-hearted way,” quips Joe.
As for throwing the celebration in his hometown: “It seems like such a waste. Why do it in Birmingham?” teases the native Brummie.
“London would’ve been better. London is a great city. The capital. All the best things happen there. The Tube! A Soho House on every corner! Pret! What’s Birmingham got?”
The star is being facetious, of course, as he still lives in the West Midlands city, despite a busy TV schedule predominantly based in London.
While he’s made a name for himself on popular shows such as Live at the Apollo, 8 Out of 10 Cats and Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Joe, who in previous interviews has described himself as being pansexual – meaning he’s attracted to people of all genders and sexes – has been tight-lipped on his relationship status.
Will he be attending many Pride celebrations this year?
“I’ve already been to a small Pride in Birmingham and I will try to get to the main Pride there later this summer,” he answers.
“I’m a big advocate for the smaller Pride parties. The big ones are fantastic in lots of ways, but I love it when Pride can come to local communities.”
He adds: “I met a lesbian couple at Pride once who had just got married.
“Their biological families had rejected them and so they decided to go to Pride for their wedding party because, in their words, they wanted to be ‘with our family.’ That’s what it’s all about to me.”
“It’s great Channel 4 are championing this,” Joe continues.
“They’ve been at the forefront of this stuff for a long time, and it was always the channel I loved growing up, commissioning bold shows that no one else would.
“So much queer talent is launched by Channel 4, myself included.
“We should fight for it to remain independent and publicly owned [the Government is in the process of privatising the channel]. It does more for us than we know.”
■ Joe Lycett’s Big Pride Party is on Channel 4 tomorrow at 9pm
Hopefully, it’ll be thoughtprovoking, nostalgic, a little moving and ideally funny!
Joe Lycett, left, on his Big Pride Party on Channel 4