Carmen had an ashen pallor about her but she was hanging up the washing with her usual quick movements

Carmen carried on: “You must have heard the commotion – and me screaming at him.

“I’ve told him to go but I sure don’t know if I’ll get quit of him that easy.

“The worst thing of all is I’m three months pregnant with his child. “I really don’t know what to do. He’s a funny guy. He sure seems keen to have a kid but I haven’t told him.

“There’s only one way I can see out of the mess and that’s to get rid of the baby and then Dirk. I’m trapped. There’s no other way I can move.

“If I have his child he’ll never leave me alone. I know it. If he ever finds out that I had an abortion he’ll either kill me or tell the authorities and they’ll take all my children away. It’s illegal to have an abortion in Canada and I’ll be classed as being not fit to be a mother.”

“Oh they couldn’t possibly do that,” I said shocked at the idea.

“Oh yes they will,” she said. “You’d be surprised at the reasons they give for taking your children from you over to foster parents.

“I can’t tell my mother about the baby. She’s a strong Catholic and would see it as a great sin and so do I but what else can I do? I can’t go to the priest. I know what he’ll say, or the doctor. It would just be a downright no.

Stunned

“I’m trapped. I think it’ll have to be an abortion. You’re a nurse. You could tell me how it’s done – help me?”

For a moment or two I was stunned into silence. “I got my State Registered Nurse’s Certificate,” I said.

“I had my name down to do maternity but never did it as I got married instead but Carmen, think again.

“I worked in the gynaecological ward for a while and saw a number of abortions done for different reasons and saw the heartache it could bring.

“And worse than that, some came in when things had gone wrong. I’m sure things can’t be as bad as you make out. There must be some other way.”

Wrapped up in her own dilemma, Carmen wasn’t really listening to what I was saying.

“If I managed to do it myself,” she continued, “and things didn’t go quite right, would you help me? What would you do if I started to bleed for instance? I’ve heard there’s a danger.”

“There’s only one thing I could do,” I said sadly. “Get you to the hospital as soon as possible.”

I wished I could have been more helpful to her at the time – said something that would have given her a ray of hope but could think of nothing that she would listen to.

I didn’t see much of her in the next month. I was worried about her but there was nothing I could do.

She had taken the children to stay with her mother for a week or two. I hoped she would feel able to confide in her.

It was several weeks before I saw her again, still neat in shorts and a red blouse.

She had an ashen pallor about her but she was hanging up the washing with her usual quick movements.

Compelled

I could see there was something the matter but couldn’t intrude as Dirk was hanging about in the background.

I wasn’t sure if she was speaking to me or not after my refusal to help.

Next morning, however, when I thought Dirk would be off to work, I felt compelled to go and see her. I knocked at her door. Tommy answered.

“Is your mum in?” I asked. Carmen’s ashen face appeared at the door.

“I thought it was Dirk and was just about to give him a blasting,” she said.

“I gave him the final boot last night. I told him he hadn’t to come back on any account but I should be so lucky – expecting him back at any moment.

“I’ve told him I’ll get the police if he cuts my phone wires again.”

“Are you all right?” I asked. “I saw you hanging out the washing yesterday and thought you looked pale.”

“Come in,” she said. “Tommy, you and Billy go out and play.”

“I’ve done it,” she said. “I did it myself. Got someone I know in Edmonton to tell me how. I used Sunlight soap.” “Are you all right?” “Well, I guess I’m on the mend,” she said. “It was real scary for a while. I lost a lot of blood and had to keep going so that no one would suspect anything, especially Dirk.

“I just said I had some germ but I’ve done it and no one knows but you. I feel terrible about killing the baby.”

Tears slid down her cheeks. “I would have had it if I could have seen any way out,” she sobbed.

“How I envy you your one. Mine might have been born in the same week.”

I was at a loss for adequate words. I got up and put an arm round her shoulders, giving them a squeeze.

“I’m sorry I could do so little to help,” I said. “All I can say now is eat as well as you can and take iron tablets for a while to build your body up again. Is there anything practical that I can do now?” I asked.

Problem

Carmen was silent for a moment. “Well there is something. Don’t quite like asking you ...” “What is it?” I asked. “My divorce to Elmer has just come through,” Carmen continued. “And he’s off to the Dew Line. He’s got someone else with a kid on the way, poor woman. I’m supposed to get maintenance for myself and the kids but knowing Elmer... I can’t rely on it and I can’t ask my folks for any more.

“I’ll have to get a job. A friend thinks he’ll be able to get me one in an oil company as a typist-cumsecretary. It’s quite good pay and I could do it.

“The problem is the kids. Mother can’t take them. I was wondering if you could take them on – I’d pay you of course, as near the going rate as I’m able.

“I shouldn’t think I’ll be starting for another month and by that time Tommy and Billy will both be at school.

“It would be eight in the morning till five in the evening. What do you think?”