Suffering hi-tech hell as time catches up with me

Playing a videogame used to be easier than this. I went from plugged-in game guru to gone-stale geek in one short decade of being a dad. For a week, I’ve been the confused owner of the latest generation of games console and, even with my distaste for technology, I’ve been surprised by how complicated things have become.

I realise I’m being a fusty, middle-aged dad but I’m having a personal crisis.

Ten years ago, before my first child arrived, I had a wall of shelves storing generations of consoles. From the simplicity of early-ish Nintendo games – I still say the Super Nintendo version of Mario Kart was near-perfect – to plot-heavy, cinematic gaming experiences, I knew what it was all about.

Then parenthood devoured all available time, space and money, so I stopped buying games. One day I would get back into it. How different could it be? I knew the answer on the first day. Sweat flowed as I muttered arcane acronyms referring to cables and blew alchemical dust off the back of the telly. The wi-fi almost groaned audibly at its load.

The games I bought were hours into downloading updates, even though they were new and I accepted the terrible reality of constantly charging wireless controllers. The children watched nervously, ready to hide if dad finally had that meltdown. Are we having fun yet?

Yet, amid the horror was nostalgia. I was pining for easy-load cartridges but I paid my dues with real gaming. I remember that cassette player hooked to the ZX Spectrum via half-chewed wires, shrieking as the TV lit up blue and yellow.

Every game took half an hour to load and that was the advanced system. Before that, we’d type in a programme from a magazine and, if we were lucky and committed no typos, it would make a dot move around a bit. As I settled in with my children for a modern videogame, I knew the tech didn’t matter. It may seem more advanced but the idea is the same – fun together, with an exciting thing that feels futuristic.

It’s hi-tech hell but we’re experiencing it together.

I went from game guru to gone-stale geek in one short decade