The Courier & Advertiser (Angus and Dundee)
It’s me or the Sat-nav
Having been musing over the past couple of weeks about peoples’ relationships with animals and pets, I was intrigued to hear TV personality and Springwatch/autumnwatch presenter Chris Packham comment on his love for his pet dog Scratchy.
The much-loved naturalist has spoken out recently about living with Asperger’s Syndrome and how this affects his ability to relate to both people and animals.
His assertion that his bond with his poodle is stronger than that with his girlfriend is very much connected to Asperger’s yet, I imagine many people would would identify with this point of view.
I, however, despite being a sad old sap where the animal kingdom is concerned, wouldn’t go that far.
My late father used to opine occasionally that “the mair I see o’ some folk, the mair I like ma dug” and I can understand that when thinking of many a prominent individual hitting the headlines in recent months or even days.
But no. Much though I loved my cat and am deeply fond of animals in general, to the extent that I can only watch The Supervet through my fingers and sometimes feel I am probably singlehandedly, via donations to the WWF, saving the snow leopard, the tiger and, with a little bit of luck, the elephant for future generations – I do not feel closer to them than my the Significant Other.
Mind you, he’s just as bad as me. Worse, in fact. It was he who used to insist that when we went out, we left the radio on for the cat. And he wavered not a jot when reading of people who feel it necessary to take leave of their pets by saying: “Cheerio, we’ll be back soon”, or “We won’t be long”.
We’re currently dog-sitting for holidaying family members and as Paul Simon once almost sang, there must be 50 ways to leave your Schnauzer.
At least pets are animate, with the honourable exception of the Tamagochi. But it was taken too far recently when we were trying to navigate a town we didn’t know using Sat-nav.
As we all know, the John Hurt soundalike emanating from the dashboard is far from infallible and we all like to wind it up a bit by going the wrong way.
But when the ghost voice reached frantic levels of panic in suggesting: “Make a U-turn!” and: “Turn round when it is safe to do so!”, I heard a reassuringly calming voice from the driver’s seat, addressing the inanimate Sat-nav saying: “Aw, you’ll know where you are in a minute.”
Just think of the levels of social interaction with robots on offer when we’ve all transferred to driverless cars…
And speaking of TV personalities making controversial statements, that Mary Berry hasn’t half been going her dinger lately.
What with prophesying the imminent demise of the dining room and asserting she has never actually ordered or eaten a takeaway. Although she did admit to being partial to an M&S £10 dinner-for-two.
A woman who likes a bargain and a “free” bottle of wine is OK in my book, even if it’s not a cookbook.
I believe her about the takeaways, though. It’s like Paul Newman’s somewhat crass assertion, when asked if he had ever been unfaithful to his wife, Joanne Woodward: “Why go out for burgers when you’ve got steak at home?” There is a well-meant compliment in that statement somewhere.
I can see why Ms B might not exactly frown upon, but perhaps equally not really see the need to call in reinforcements from outside her kitchen.
But I do think that she’s missing out a bit when it comes to the sheer, laidback enjoyment of a really good pizza or a properly nutty pasanda.
Especially when it’s delivered to your door.
That really is the ultimate in laziness but boy, is it nice to take advantage of such a service occasionally rather than slaving over a hot stove.
And innovation? The world of takeaway is brimming with it.
Only the other day, I happened across the Yorkshire pudding pizza – via my relatives who live in the People’s Republic of Sheffield.
What, I ask you, is not to like? Those traditional rounds of light-yetcrispy batter crammed, not with wholesome ee-by-‘eck gravy but with Italian sausage and tomato mixture, topped with plenty of cheese.
It’s either the best thing ever invented or a cunning way to tempt us all into giving up all notions of Brexit.
And of course, here in Scotland, we could provide the perfect finishing touch.
Deep fry it. You know you want to…