Feeling 20 years younger sadly doesn’t make it true

It’s sometimes said, inaccurately, that age is a state of mind. Many of us, reluctantly slouching into our golden years, might say so, but we know we’re kidding ourselves. At least we’re not as bad as Emile Ratelband. Settle into your comfy chair for a tale of refusing to accept the march of time. Emile, a Dutch motivational speaker, is 69 years old. We know this because a court in Arnhem confirmed it last Monday, after Emile sued the Dutch government seeking to change his own date of birth.

He said he identified as 20 years younger, comparing that with someone who identifies as transgender.

The court, unsurprisingly, declined, citing “a variety of undesirable legal and societal implications”, which seems a polite way of telling Emile not to be such a sad git.

He’d asked for the ruling because he wanted to improve his chances while dating online. “I am a young god,” Emile declared. “I can have all the girls I want but not after I tell them I am 69.” Well.. ew.

The real problem with “identifying” as younger is that it doesn’t make it true.

Emile’s reference to the transgender community is even more problematic: informed discussions about gender identity, and the discrimination faced by the trans community, have their basis in science and no one should cheapen the conversation with ridiculous theories and spurious lawsuits.

But the Dutch case does throw up some interesting points. Emile’s attitudes towards dating may be icky, and I suspect age isn’t his only barrier to finding friendly company, but he’s right that people shouldn’t assume someone’s age is linked to their abilities.

Tellingly, Emile wants to be in his 40s, and that’s the stage I’ve reached. In the mornings, after I stop coughing, I check for new aches and lurch to the kitchen, lest my loved ones experience an uncaffeinated version of me and are traumatised. I don’t feel like a young god.

Maybe it’s not about how old you feel. Maybe it’s about appreciating what you can do, and filling the time you have left – be it 20 years or 20 hours – with positive experiences. Just don’t lie to yourself… and stay away from lawyers as much as you can.

I can have all the girls I want but not after I tell them I am 69