Calling occupants of Earth... sort yourselves out. Now

Isay it’s definitely aliens. Of course, the boffins have several theories. They never get tired of putting forward alternative ideas based on the available evidence, thinking things through and doing science in a responsible way. Annoying gits.

There is conjecture about cosmic phenomena like black holes and collapsing neutron stars, but what we know for sure is FRBS – fast radio bursts – have been detected emanating from distant galaxies, and they include a repeating pattern. How exciting.

Of course, we science fiction geeks immediately concluded it’s aliens. Dangerous ones, or sexy ones, or dangerously sexy ones. I’m hoping for cyborgs.

One of the great themes of science fiction is the question “This is an infinite universe, so where the hell is everybody?”

Now we might, just might, find out.

And that’s the problem. If aliens do get in touch what should we say? We can’t send another Carpenters song. We’ll have to tell the truth about events on this marvellous blue marble.

Oh dear.

If we define a war as an armed conflict that has claimed at least 1,000 lives, then the human race has been at peace for just 8% of recorded history. There are currently wars in Yemen and Syria, plus unrest in Afghanistan and Venezuela, plus… you get the idea.

Last month, Sir David Attenborough told a UN

The 20 warmest years on record have occurred in the last 24 years

climate change conference the Earth stands on the brink of disaster. Without radical policies to tackle climate change, he said, civilisation will collapse.

The 20 warmest years on record have occurred in the last 24 years; the last four have been the hottest. At any given moment, one of the world’s major powers is mired in acrimony, from Brexit to border walls to Crimea, while we ignore refugees on Nauru, Sicily or 100 other hotspots.

It is, obviously, a dreadful mess. With Robert Burns’ birthday coming soon, I find myself thinking of To A Louse: O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us!

If aliens really are out there, I hope they’re doing better than us. And, if they are communicating, I hope we give ourselves a better message to send, one day soon.