I glance at him and laugh. The sun has turned him all golden: hair, specs, skin

I’m sitting at the table with Mac’s notebook when a heavy knock on the back door pulls me back to the present, to the safe cottage kitchen. With a start I realise it’s after 10 in the morning, and I’m still in my pyjamas. Floss, who’s been hiding under the table, gives a high-pitched warning bark. The poor dog is thoroughly freaked out.

I bend down and rub her silky ears, then I open the door a crack, still smoothing down my bed hair.

It’s only Arthur. I stand aside to let him in, automatically scanning for suspicious packages. He appears to be cake-free, for once.

Arthur’s white bakery boxes are piling up on the kitchen table.

One is empty, the others are half-grazed, full of crumbs and cake corners, where I’ve done a Mary Berry on them, sampling bits and discarding them, unimpressed.

The last box has to go. It’s full of something that stinks of vanilla and I’ve had to tape the lid shut. The smell of vanilla makes me want to retch.

Max and Jethro pile in too, claws clicking on the hard floors. They smell of earth and cow dung.

Under the table, Floss growls, as if she just cannot be bothered with them. Arthur raises his eyebrows. “What’s wrong with her?”

“Ask your mother!”

“What has she done now?” A flicker of fear passes across his face.

I don’t answer straight away.

Eccentric

“She’s losing the plot. Seriously. Started up the mill in the middle of the night.

“We thought it was an earthquake.” I glance at the little spaniel.

“No wonder Floss has adopted me!”

Arthur sighs. He pinches and rubs the bridge of his nose, so fiercely that he’s in danger of dislodging his glasses.

“Ma is eccentric. I’ve learned to live with it, but I can see how she might come across as... odd. She likes to keep the mill ticking over.”

He sighs. “If it was left to me I’d lock it up and throw away the key.” The spectacles fall back into place, framing the fear I can see in his bright blue eyes.

I pick up the huge key from beside the kettle. “Here. Knock yourself out. Do us all a favour.”

He recoils from it. “She went away and left it unlocked?”

“She seemed really out of it.” Seeing his expression, I take pity on him.

“Come on. You need to walk this out. Walking is the number one cure for whatever ails you.”

He gives a humourless laugh. “That’s what I was just doing, but I couldn’t find Floss.”

“Sometimes it’s good to have some human company.” I can’t believe I just said that.

I tweak at the soft leg of my pyjamas. “Give me two minutes to get my jeans on.” Definitely not like me.

We walk to the millpond, falling easily into step. The track is still soft and damp, but the trees are mesmerising, new leaves like sparkly, bouncy hair against a bright sky.

The last time I’d looked up at the sky it was littered with stars. Things seem so different in the daylight. Normal.

“My mother is worried about you,” Arthur says.

Warm feeling

That gives me a warm feeling, that someone is worried about me. “She’s given me a week off.” “She’s far too easy on you.”

“You think?”

“You should come and work for me. I’m a slave driver.”

I glance at him and laugh. The sun has turned him all golden: hair, specs, skin. He doesn’t look like a slave driver. He just looks kind and healthy and full of life.

“I don’t believe it!” I’m grinning at him. He makes me want to smile. “You’re as soft as your mother!”

He’s looking straight ahead, adopting a mockserious expression.

“Don’t underestimate the soft people. The soft, silent people are the ones who think.”

“So what are you thinking now?” I like his profile, the frankness of his mouth.

He doesn’t smile unless I smile, as if he’s tuning into me.

“I think you’re enjoying my company.”

“It’s a walk, Arthur. Don’t flatter yourself.”

We both chuckle at that, and then he gets serious again.

“Have you heard from... he who shall not be named?”

Thoughts of Reuben block out the sun for a bit and I shake my head.

“No, not since Jane whisked him home. She’s phoned with updates a couple of times, but no, I haven’t had any contact.”

I want to tell him about my final visit to the hospital, the day Jane headed home to get clean clothes. I was yearning for clarity, a sense of direction, but Reuben’s sister was there, and a friend who was giving her a lift.

There was way too much talk about bus timetables and visiting hours, and all the time I was searching Reuben’s face for clues.

How I longed to see that special warmth in his eyes, the fire that kindles just for me. But he was cool, polite.

At one point Laura got up to go to the loo and the friend decided to grab a coffee.

Alone at last, I turned to Reuben to say all the things that were crowding my head. They came out in a mad, breathless rush.

I miss you. I love you. When you’re well, we can get back together... and he’s holding up his hand.

I’m forced to look at his palm and that thread work of little lines I like to kiss.

He’s saying things too, all in a rush. Things have changed.

We need to cool it. I value your friendship, but...

Friendship

We’ve reached the millpond. We pause and I stare down into the black water, half afraid of what I might see below the surface.

“The last time I saw him, he said he valued my friendship.”

“Um... friendship can be undervalued,” Arthur says carefully. I glare at him.

“This guy has been in my bed for months and he dares to label me a friend?”

There’s an awkward pause. Arthur shrugs. He’s gazing at the far bank, where two mallards are engaged in a noisy exchange.

There’s a lot of flapping and the water sprays silver from beneath their wings.

“Maybe that’s the answer you’ve been looking for.” I fold my arms across the lost place. “I wasn’t looking for answers.”

“You didn’t want to make a decision, but you must have wondered how it was all going to end?”

I glare at him. “Who says it’s ended? Things are tricky right now. He needs some space, and so do I.”

“But he refers to you as a ‘friend’, and that p ***** you off.”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what to think!”

I stalk off, waving a hand at Arthur, who follows in my wake. “Change the subject.”

More tomorrow.