The Courier & Advertiser (Angus and Dundee)
Mr Yousaf gives us his best impression of Terry Jones
In what could have been a tribute to the late, great Terry Jones, justice secretary Humza Yousaf dismissed concerns about the state of police buildings as hyperbole this week. It was a piece of absurdist comedy worthy of the Monty Python team at their finest.
Ignoring videos that showed water pouring into a number of stations around the country, Mr Yousaf tried to hand wave away police concerns until, just a couple of hours later, the ceiling collapsed at his local police station in Broughty Ferry. Oops.
Concerns about the police estate had been raised at a meeting of the Scottish Police Authority where chief constable Iain Livingston argued for increased police funding.
The Scottish Police Federation, the organisation that represents rankand-file bobbies, picked up the baton, sharing images of decrepit police stations.
Politics are at play here, of course. Budgets are currently being prepared in Holyrood and Police Scotland is, as is the organisation’s right, making its case for a larger share of the pie.
But for the justice secretary to pretend there is nothing to see here demeans him and insults the rest of us.
Government ministers should lead, not imitate the internet meme of a coffee-drinking dog saying “this is fine” while his house burns down around him.
It is unfortunate for Mr Yousaf that the ceiling of Broughty Ferry police station should collapse just hours after he tried to downplay the problem but it should not take that level of embarrassment for action to be taken.
Police Scotland has not, it must be said, won many friends since the single force was created in 2013.
But if we at least expect a basic level of competence from the police, then they should be provided with facilities that meet basic requirements, such as being watertight.
Like all public sector organisations, police officers are being expected to do more with less.
But if they are being forced to work out of stations such as Pitlochry, where they have to cover electrical sockets with plastic to stop them getting flooded, can we really expect officers to willingly go the extra mile their duties often require?
At First Minister’s Questions, Nicola Sturgeon tried having her cake and eating it, too, bemoaning cuts imposed on Holyrood by the UK Government while trumpeting the additional investment provided to Police Scotland by her government.
Or, to put it another way, she agreed with her justice secretary that criticism of the police estate has been exaggerated, while saying a lack of funding is responsible for the dilapidated conditions police find themselves working in.
To say that displays a degree of cognitive dissonance is putting it mildly.
Death is not the end
Scottish country dancing lessons at high school are fraught with peril for angsty adolescents.
Bad enough for the boys having to pick a partner for each dance but it was even more nervewracking when the girls got to choose.
One classmate put a brave face on things, saying the reason no girl had picked him was because they were all too much in love with him. Even then it seemed a rather optimistic interpretation of events. But that is no longer the best/worst excuse for being socially shunned I have heard.
Alan Hattel from Forfar discovered his ex-wife had put his name on a headstone, despite the fact he has resolutely not shuffled off this mortal coil.
Mr Hattel said his phone has been quiet as a tomb for several months, something the 75-year-old now attributes to the misattributed grave.
I’m in much the same boat. The only people who call me these days are companies trying to get me to claim damages for an accident they claim I have been involved in.
My answer is always to thank them for their interest but say the incident was so severe I am now actually dead and so it is not a good time to talk. It’s usually enough to make them hang up.
Rap battle
Dundee rapper Darren Stewart – aka Zee the Dungeonous – has claimed that American superstar Eminem has ripped him off. Eminem released a new album called Music To Be Murdered By, inspired by an Alfred Hitchock album of the same name that was released in 1958.
Darren’s claim hinges on the fact that both albums sample music from Hitchcock’s original.
But it is unlikely that Eminem – who has collaborated with everyone from Elton John to Dr Dre – needs to plagiarise the work of unknown Scottish rappers, as amusing a thought as that may be.
Given that Music To Be Murdered by has been sampled by a host of hip-hop artists before it appears coincidence rather than influence.