Are we living in a parallel universe?

T he other day I was walking across the hill when I must have unwittingly stumbled into a wormhole, not an earthworm hole, but one of those tears in the space time continuum – and all of a sudden I was ejected into the year 3020.

It was an interesting journey and one which I cannot relate in the mere space provided to me by this column.

However, I can tell you about a professor I met, by the name of Zaphod Davidson, a specialist in the study of anthropology at the Intergalactic University. He was particularly interested in life during the 21st Century and was excited to be in a position to question a traveller from that period.

His first question related to an archaeological dig of a burial site he was involved in. His team were puzzled by the large number of skeletons which appeared to have disfigured hands, misshapen feet and unusual swellings of the skull, perhaps resultant of some sort of ritualistic ceremonies?

I explained that these skeletons were most likely hill farmers, hands a result of multiple encounters with temperamental cattle crushes, feet formed by decades of welly wearing and enlarged skulls directly resulting from extreme pressure on the hypothalamus due to prolonged periods of working with sheep.

Our conversation continued over a lunch of algal pie. Professor Davidson seemed fascinated by the concept that we relied upon animals and crops for nutrition rather than lab-grown foods produced by the Unilever Corporation.

It turned out that his particular interest in the 21st Century was largely a result of what turned out to be a major depression of agriculture in what historical records would refer to as Great Britain.

Environmental policies experienced a seismic shift, government decided that food security was no longer a priority and instead cheap, low-quality food was imported from abroad.

Productive land was planted with trees and less productive ground was designated as protected nature reserves with a strong slant towards expansion of beaver habitat – a combination of policies which turned out to be not very well thought out.

As a result the rural economy collapsed. It wasn’t only farmers who were affected; supporting industries failed and social deprivation in rural areas prevailed.

It was unfortunate that these events should coincide with a major disease epidemic thought to have originated somewhere in the Asian continent. Panic spread across the world and inevitably countries went to war against each other.

The inhabitants of Great Britain were in a fortunate position that they could quarantine themselves from the disease, although sadly this was in vain as due to the war food shortages quickly occurred and famine struck.

At this point in the conversation I sadly had to leave the professor as travel specialists had arranged my trip back to 2020. Before I departed it was explained to me that not only had I travelled in time but also that I had visited a parallel universe, because, obviously, in our universe no government would be so shortsighted as to develop policies like these.

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Security was no longer a priority and instead cheap, low-quality food was imported

Picture: PA. Beavers are not exactly a farmer’s favourite animal.