Oh my word!

T he English language isn’t protected in law. In fact, no one has the right to enforce even one of the accepted grammatical “rules” on another person’s writing.

This means nothing can be wrong. You can say or write anything you like, in any way you like. And many people do.

The poet Edward Estin Cummings signed his works e. e. cummings. He didn’t use capital letters at all. Edward was part of the literary modernist movement in the early part of the last century, who “experimented with literary form and expression”.

Geoffrey Willans achieved fame with his naughty schoolboy character Molesworth in a 1950s series of books in which incorrect spelling was deemed hilarious, as any fule kno.

Even today, try reading (if your self-isolation period lasts eight months) Hilary Mantel’s garlanded Thomas More novels. You’ll find she often doesn’t bother with quotation marks, leaving you to work out what is intended as speech, and where it starts and ends.

And no one says this is wrong, these are works of fiction after all. Freedom of expression, and all that. In fact, the authors I mention are rarely pilloried for pitifully poor punctuation, they are regarded as original. And clever, and bohemian, individualistic, unfettered, and creative.

An argumentative type of chap might say the adjectives I’ve just listed indicate a reverse intellectual snobbery. Another way of saying: “We know it’s wrong, but we indulge them. They are classic authors, dahling.”

I believe that wrong is always wrong. Hilary Mantel is a good author, in fact a great author. Her books will be read a century from now. I admire her work.

But her punctuation is awful.

All this is just my opinion, though. Let’s test how you feel about it.

What do you think when you hear people say they are “waiting on a bus”? It should be “waiting for a bus”, of course. Unless they are serving it aperitifs, or already on the bus anticipating some other event.

What do you think of “try and” instead of “try to”? Or do you wonder exactly what was given in the very odd phrase, “did she give you into trouble”?

If you don’t like these usage errors, surely you are equally intolerant of poems without capitals and speech with no quote marks? I’m glad we all agree. Now, who’s going to tell Hilary she’ll have to give her Booker Prizes back?