Family holiday here we come – after our first snack break

What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humour. I remind myself of this as we set off on stage one of our wee family holiday. Myself, plus two and the four-legged hairy ones in my car. Himself plus one in his. An hour-and-a-half to go to destination number one. We’re exceptionally excited and exceptionally grateful to be getting away.

My travelling companions are hungry before we’ve left Dundee. Our initial plans to meet my brother and his crew for lunch long abandoned due to our tardiness, I appeal to their adventurous nature and extend promises of newlydiscovered food outlets in fresh destinations.

The mister naturally phones right at that moment to announce they’ve pulled in for fuel and an M&S “no ordinary” sandwich. The mere mention of the word sandwich starts an uprising within our car. The notion of some missed Percy Pigs was just a step too far, so as we pull into the golden arches just outside Perth I console myself with a reminder this is a holiday. Good times are literally moments away. Some chicken nuggets won’t kill them. However, if they don’t stop banging on about being hungry, I might.

Lunch consumed, my lipgloss now Mcd’s chip grease, the sun is shining and we’re back on our way (again). As my hitchhikers are wearing their earphones I take an opportunity to blare some Phil. If they don’t like it, they can walk. It’s a reminder of a misspent youth. I might not be able to recount one piece of information from my university degree but I am word perfect concerning In the Air Tonight. Someone recently told me Cadbury World down south houses the drum-playing gorilla on the advert. I’m planning our next family road trip even as I drive. Can anyone do me a CAD of how many Dairy Milks fit into a Mummy Bus please?

Our destination finally reached and

I’m delighted to note there is no wifi or phone signal. Cousins gleefully reunited, negotiations over who sleeps where begin. I remain slightly concerned regards some suspended top bunks but I’m assured everyone will be fine. I’m not sleeping in, or under, it so OK. Please pass me a holiday fruity cider and the “out of office” sign.

The location is glorious and the biblical rainfall hints at easing off. The dogs are thrilled at new smells and the mister is delighted to have to unpack the contents of our entire house he only placed in the car a few short hours earlier. The chalets have no catering facilities so tragically we have to send out for fish and chips, naturally I’m bereft at not cooking but equally smug as I produce some ketchup.

It’s almost as if I knew the chalets didn’t have cooking facilities… I excuse myself from any guilt associated with having chips twice in one day, this is our holiday after all, and merrily queue under a massive golf umbrella alongside the entire population of Crieff who have also decided to have Tuesday chippy tea.

Comrie, St Fillans, Crieff and the surrounding area easily capture our attention for the next few days. We take long leisurely walks with all three dogs. We swim in lochs. Play mini golf, badly. The kids have a go on some Segways, only one minor injury that just requires a kind word and sympathy rather than plasters deems it a success. Endless card games are played. And played again when participants didn’t like the previous results. There was no hurry for anything and it was just lovely.

Long-awaited reunion with family is good for the soul and I don’t even so much as flinch when I’m called to be told the cafe has flooded and a delivery of 200 pastries has arrived. I’ve another game of Uno to be getting on with and seeing as this is the holiday where my lovely sister-in-law will remain a legend for having to pick up 26 cards in one round, I believe I may have turned round my losing streak!

Mary-jane’s family and a friend go for a spin on Segways.