Looking back is simpler than looking for our specs

My best friend (since our first day at primary school, aged four) came to stay recently. She lives hundreds of miles away and while we do our best, there are inevitably quite long periods where we don’t meet up. It never matters; we fall about giggling helplessly within minutes of meeting up again and generally revert to our younger, carefree selves – but with red wine, obvs. This time, however, there was an immediate clue that age may finally have caught up with us.

“Is that my mobile pinging? Yes, I can’t see what the message says without my… Where’s my bag with my reading glasses?”

“Here are mine. Oh where are they? I had them here.”

“I think they’re on your head. Oh yes, that’s better, I can see it. Oh it’s nothing important.”

Neither of us ever needed glasses until we reached a certain age but boy do we need them now.

Seemingly overnight, manufacturers have hatched a conspiracy to render us incapable of reading labels on clothes, food packaging, even wine bottles. We’re fine for longer distances but are definitely turning into our mothers on the day-to-day front.

Our sense of direction has also started letting us down, although in my case I have always struggled with that particular skill. We’ve probably been guilty of relying on satnavs but I fear that’s not the whole story.

“I’ll meet you down there so I can take the car and take you straight on to the airport and you can have a nice walk. I’ll walk along and meet you.” “Yes but I can’t remember the way. Tell me again.” “Do you want me to show you on your phone?” “Yes please. Oh, I won’t be able to see it. Where are my glasses? I’ll have to take them with me. I had them when I was trying to see what time the plane was.”

“Oh, I can’t see how to do it anyway. Where are the children when we need them? Shall we just have a cup of tea and a biscuit until it’s time to leave for the airport?”

“I think it’s probably safest.”

Manufacturers have hatched a conspiracy to render us incapable of reading labels