No fan (belt) of modern technology after hiccups

The car, inside the house, outside the house... everything goes wrong for Fiona with modern gadgetry. And the dogs aren’t happy either...

Gadgets... who needs ‘em?!

Take the car, for example. A black four-wheel drive with electric windows. Only one of them does not work. And it is the crucial one, the driver’s window.

If there were a handle, of course, you could just wind it down. But a computerised 21st Century life is not that simple.

So when a worn fan belt needs to be replaced this week I ask the garage to have a look at it. They do – and give me the news. To buy a new window part will cost around £400.

I tell them I will think about it. After all, I can always open the door when I need to get a parking ticket, or when I stop to ask someone for directions to a certain place.

At least the fan belt is no longer shrieking. But something else is.

Back at home a torrent of rain has set off the burglar alarm. Then another deluge brings down the phone line and the thing starts to squawk and beep.

It does that for 24 hours... because the alarm cannot be re-set until the phone comes back on. Which may be a useful tip for burglars…

Anyhow the thing carries on complaining. Not constantly, you understand. Just intermittent enough to set nerves on edge. You think it has finally stopped. You breathe a sigh of relief – and off it goes again.

The MacNaughties do not like it at all. Which is understandable. A dog’s hearing is at least twice as good as a human’s. In fact, our four-legged friends can hear something from a quarter of a mile away.

Yes, the naughty Norfolk can tell me that the postman is on the way even as he enters the village. He can sense a stranger is approaching the policies several hundred yards away.

Anyhow, the alarm continues to irritate. Night-time is the worst. Then who needs sleep?

I think of texting the chief with my woes. But why bother him – and what can he do? He is in the south of England, along with 1,500 Gurkhas.

Back in the day the MacGregor served with the 6th Gurkha Rifles. A regiment raised in 1817 as part of the army of the British East India Company.

The colourful durbar he attends is a celebration of 200 years of its formation. He tells me there are fierce-looking men in green blazers and Ghurkha wives in pink and blue saris.

You don’t mess with a Gurkha. They

If there were a handle, of course, you could just wind it down. But a computerised 21st Century life is not that simple

are called the bravest of the brave. And with that national treasure, Joanna Lumley, as their champion, they are unstoppable.

On a more domestic note, the phone line is eventually restored. The alarm finally stops. And the chief comes back to a frazzled wife and dogs.

But there is some good news. David the mechanic calls me to say he may be able to repair the car window. Now, what can I spend that saved money on…

All poor Fiona wanted to do was open the car window. A handle would’ve been handy.