Jingoism and division in this green and pleasant land

Pass. Congratulations, you’re a UK citizen. Disconcerted as I read this on The Courier’s website, I reminded myself I have been a UK citizen since shortly after The Godfather was released. My legal status began when I was lucky enough to be born in Dundee Royal Infirmary just uphill from the world’s greatest pies.

Being British isn’t always easy when your identity is Scottish first, so I was surprised to get 12 out of 12 on the simulated citizenship test prepared by the Press Association and published by this newspaper.

But I wasn’t happy. It’s a flawed test. It’s being circulated because a coming royal wedding will, to the shock of the Home Counties, involve an American. The exam is based on what prospective subjects of Her Majesty might encounter if they try to become British.

Some questions seemed fine but some questions were decidedly… colonial. Is it really vital to life in the UK that an immigrant know about the Boer War or the American War of Independence? I feel like the country’s dark, colonial past should be recognised, but I’m worried the citizenship test celebrates it.

So I Googled and found media outlets presenting versions of the same thing. The jingoism was inescapable. Kings, queens and patron saints. Wars and, weirdly, references to pub culture. Is this Britain?

I say no. Where in the citizenship test are the values? It should represent the real UK, now, with its diverse identities. Ask about creativity, culture and daily life – not about Nelson’s Column and the Union Jack. Like the test, those things are anachronistic.

And ask about the rough parts. The divides and turmoil. The identity crisis we must face.

What does it mean to be British? It can’t be explained in 12 questions. It’s complicated and not always green or pleasant. Anyone who wants to join in should have that explained to them.