It’s a dog’s life... if you’re not left holding the baby

Fiona is reminded there are pros and cons to having babies and dogs while meeting a colleague and her daughter

ATV colleague has just given birth to a little girl. Izzy is the dream child. Healthy, happy. Plus, at four months old, she sleeps right through the night.

At work we have seen the pictures and have had the progress updates. And now I am looking forward to seeing mother and child in person.

We meet in Edinburgh. In a hotel. And the first thing that this proud mama does is pop said paragon poppet into my arms.

She is as light as a feather. She is sweetly delicate and she is clad in a pale pink Babygro decorated with giraffes.

Wee Izzy is adorable. She looks up with innocent saucer eyes. I rock her gently. I bill and coo. It only takes a few seconds before her face crumples and she starts to scream.

There is a reason why to be “left holding the baby” is not considered the best place to be…

Newborns. I do not know what it is about them. Or me. Because it is no doubt me. Like when animals know that you are nervous around them. They react – and not always in a good way.

It is said there are two types of people in the world. Those who like babies – and those who do not.

I do like them. But I am a little anxious around them.

Perhaps it is only having had one child. Had I produced a whole stableful, it might have given more confidence.

Perhaps I need to hold many more tiny tots – and just get used to it.

The thing is, I am never quite sure what an infant wants.

Unlike a dog. When the littlest of the MacNaughties licks his lips, it generally means he is thirsty. It is the Norfolk terrier’s way of saying his bowl needs more water.

When the cocker spaniel stares pointedly and starts to flap his ears from side to side, it usually means “let me out I need to spend a penny”.

Dogs versus babies. On the plus side, a dog can be left home alone while you go shopping. You cannot ever leave an infant on its own.

Dogs do not wear nappies that need changing every couple of hours. Although I am told that puppy training pads are becoming ever more popular.

And unless you are very unlucky, you are not generally up all night with a dog.

That said, we once had a hound that howled until he was eventually allowed into the bedroom.

On the minus side, though, unless your dog is a genius, he will never ever be able to one day get his own breakfast so you can have a lie-in.

Indeed, a dog will always be your permanent baby.

But back to the hotel. I hand Izzy back to her mum. Half an hour later we decide to try again. By which time I have taken off the large floppy hat I was wearing.

And that is it. It must have been the hat. This time there is even the hint of a smile…

The thing is, I am never quite sure what an infant wants