No ducking the issue during a fraught waiting game

Forget Springwatch, there has been a Duckwatch helpline at Penman Towers over the past few weeks. The irony of someone calling me for regular reassurance on a matter involving nature is not lost on me, for as my regular reader is aware, I do not generally believe in nature or the great outdoors. However, my sister has been embroiled in Duckwatch and has been seeking help at the end of the phone.

Even if it is only me. That’s how desperate she is. It started when she looked out of her kitchen one day and noticed a big duck perched on a wall in her garden, just a few feet from the kitchen. This was quite surprising in itself, as her family lives nowhere near a body of water.

After a while, it became clear that the big duck was in fact sitting on several eggs. Eleven at the last count. Obviously my sister did what anyone does in this day and age and Googled the issue.

This taught her that it could be several weeks before the eggs hatched and not much else of a helpful nature so she resorted to calling me.

The question she has been most vexed about is what will happen when the ducklings attempt to get down from the high wall to search for water. I suggested a ladder and they have propped some wood against the wall. I have also suggested getting the old paddling pool out of the garage to leave below the wall. I am now feeling positively Attenboroughish.

However, it has been a fraught waiting game. Early phone calls about logistics were followed by calls about the dangers of predators. My brother-in-law was put on almost 24-hour Duckwatch after foxes and crows started sniffing around.

They then had a weekend away, booked ages ago, and left the nephew in charge. He’s even worse than me and asked “What duck?” when they asked for regular updates. I tried to be reassuring and hoped the nephew wasn’t planning a wild party while they were away. I didn’t fancy the duck’s chances.

The wait continues. I’ll report back.

My brother-in-law was put on almost 24hour Duckwatch after foxes and crows started sniffing around