I love birthdays – but draw the line at surprise parties

Avery good friend has just enjoyed a significant birthday. Or perhaps endured might be a better description. She is one of those people who insists on no fuss, doesn’t want to be the centre of attention and whose idea of hell on earth would be a party in her honour. One year, she told her loving family as usual that she didn’t want or need anything for her birthday. When it came to the big day and she found they had taken her at her word, it took at least until the next birthday for her to forgive them, her husband having failed to realise there’s a fine line between low-key and divorce proceedings.

Personally, when it comes to birthdays I haven’t really progressed beyond those childhood jelly-andice-cream affairs and I still get hopelessly giddy if balloons and cake with candles are involved.

I am also easily overcome with excitement on receiving a well-wrapped present, whatever old tat happens to be inside.

My tastes in gifts have not really evolved much either. Basically, anything sparkly or shiny and I’m happy. Talking of which, Mr P and I will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary later this year (OK, stop doing the maths. We waited until the Toddler was old enough to enjoy the day with us.)

In the interests of sparkly presents, I have already explained patiently to Mr P that traditionally, each anniversary is marked by a certain material. Fifteen is Tiffany. Hurrah!

Where I do draw the line on birthday celebrations is the surprise party option. I cannot think of anything worse, especially if no one’s thought to tip-off the surprisee so that they can act surprised but be beautifully dressed and made-up for such an occasion.

In the real world, how would it be possible for the surprise to coincide with my roots having been done?

Also, just because I still have the addresses of people I haven’t seen for years, that doesn’t mean I want to see them. I can feel an anxiety dream coming on and it’s ages until my birthday. By which time that Tiffany seed should have taken root.

How would it be possible for the surprise to coincide with my roots having been done?