England fan’s tattoo gaffe is just the inspiration I need

Over an illustration of the famous trophy, a tattoo reads “England 2018 World Cup Winners”. This is a happier story than it may at first appear to be. As is now known by anyone capable of understanding the phrase “they think it’s all over”, football is not, in fact, “coming home” to England. This proved a disappointment to many, a relief to some, a delight to Croatians and the source of free booze for one Jamie Richardson, a football fan from Allerton Bywater, West Yorkshire.

In a moment of courage and optimism unrivalled since another Englishman said “I have in my hand a piece of paper”, Mr Richardson got himself inked after England beat Panama 6-1 in the group stage, following what he called “a premonition” but I call “being spectacularly wrong”.

He’s determined to keep his inaccurate tattoo because people buy him drinks now. He says he has no regrets.

I say good for him. Don’t get me wrong: I think he’s an absolute plonker. But if you’ve decided to get a tattoo, it’s no time to be timid. And I have decided to get a tattoo.

I’ve always quite fancied one despite being one of the most middle-of-the-road people in history, like a human representation of a ham sandwich on white bread. My impending 50th birthday has made me think the time has come. It’ll be my gift to me.

But it’s so easy to make a permanent mistake. Google “worst tattoos” and the results are shocking, often unprintable, and downright intimidating. I run an occasional workshop entitled How to Write Good and usually include a slide showing a tattoo that says “Nothing last’s forever”. (Apostrophe is model’s own.)

My desire for a tattoo has, down the decades, been smothered by my caution. I needed a hero, an inspiration, a shining light in the darkness of my underconfidence.

Step forward that boozy Yorkshireman wrapped in an England flag, for you have become the role model I never thought I’d have. You may be wrong, and perhaps even thick, but you showed courage in your choice of body art and I will follow your brave example. Might pick different words, though.

“My desire for a tattoo has been smothered by caution. I needed a hero