The Courier & Advertiser (Fife Edition)
Getting to know you
Comedian Mark Thomas is on the road again. He gives us an insight into his colourful life ahead of his gig at Dundee Rep on March 20
Comedian Mark Thomas is on the road again, and his journey leads him to Dundee Rep.
Q What was your plan B career-wise?
A Human cannonball. What a great job. Sleep late. Long lunch. Go to movies. Remember it’s a work day. Put on helmet, jump suit and cape. Get in cannon. Fly. Land. Take applause. Sign autographs. Get cheque. Go home. Wash off smell of gunpowder. Party. Get in late… and repeat!
Q Who inspires you?
A Yoko Ono. Remarkable performer, a leading light in the Fluxus art movement and a campaigner and maker of brilliant but scary music (for example: Don’t Worry). I am also inspired by strikers, human rights defenders, loud mouths, swearers, streakers, hecklers, misbehavers, graffiti artists, taggers, heretics, pranksters, old situationists – and new ones too – eco bunnies, tree huggers, tree climbers and naughty little monkeys everywhere.
Q Your house is on fire, what one item do you save?
A The house.
Q Last meal on Earth?
A Jacob Rees Mogg’s kidneys. If I am going out, I am taking him with me.
Q Dream dinner party guests?
A Jacob Rees Mogg.
Q If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
A Curry. Tooting South London is home to some of the finest curry houses in the country, ranging from Pakistani to Sri Lankan, so that is what I am opting for. Bring on the chilli paneer and dosas!
Q Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.
A I was once stopped by a US Customs official. After inquiring where I had been and what I had been doing he looked at me knowingly and said: “Are you a porn star?”
“No I am not a porn star,” I spluttered. “Hmm,” he mused…
“I am really not a porn star.”
He stamped my passport, looked at my picture, looked at me and said in a conspiratorial voice: “I think you’re a porn star.”
Q Favourite holiday destination?
A The sofa.
Q What was the last book you read?
A Asterix in Britain.
Q Describe yourself as if you were a fine wine?
A Cheap, potent and comes with a screw top.
Q What was the first album you ever bought?
A Tarkus by Emerson Lake and Palmer. It had an armadillo turned into a tank on the cover and my dad got upset because one of the songs had the word “b **** ” in it. Pretty ironic as he was the rudest man in South London... I have not listened to Tarkus since I was 12. My second purchase was another ELP, third Quadrophenia by The Who, and fourth was Dr Feelgood... and I am on track!
Q Happiest memory?
A Running and laughing with my dad down a long beach towards the sea on the Isle of Wight.
Q If you could go back to any point in history, what would it be?
A June 1976 Manchester Free Trade Hall, where the Sex Pistols are playing live. It’s a small audience but in the crowd is Tony Wilson, Pete Shelley of the Buzzcocks, members of Joy Division and Howard Devoto who goes on to form Magazine.
Q What is the best advice you have ever received, and who did it come from?
A Always be merciful especially to your enemies – I am paraphrasing Kurt Vonnegut and it does not apply to Jacob Rees Mogg.
Q What do you do to unwind?
A Cooking while singing to loud music, cycle, walk and listen to punk rock and jazz.
Q Biggest regret?
A Whatever it was I did wrong 30 minutes ago.
Q What keeps you awake at night?
A My own snoring.