Self-entitled golfing ‘covidiots’ fled when police were called

Let’s have a rant. These spittle-flecked barks come to you from the darkened room where, clad in soft leisurewear and fuelled by chocolate a friend left on my doorstep, I am completing two weeks of quarantine due to a debilitating-yet-unconfirmed respiratory illness. These are the plague times, which we endure separately from and in concert with millions across the globe.

Except, of course, for the people who think they’re special. They are covidiots, and the subject of my rant.

A few days ago, up the road from me, 25 men fancied a round of golf. So they ignored the signs and yellow tape, and teed off at a municipal golf course… until shocked passersby called the police. The self-entitled golfers legged it, escaping a fine, but not the derision of the wider community.

There are stories like this everywhere. The covidiots are browsing the make-up counters in Boots (to the horror of staff), boozing in pub lock-ins (to the delight of sociopathic landlords) and even shouting at police officers trying to bring common sense to a crowded beach near Edinburgh.

Stop it, you morons. This is a time of massive, rapid change, and you can no longer rely on your old habit of being confident and selfish in the hope nobody says anything. Most people are now self-isolating, social distancing and getting informed – and we are speaking our minds.

No, this isn’t just like the flu. This is worse, faster and more dangerous.

No, you can’t disregard it because more people die of cancer/road accidents/licking the toaster. There’s no point in “putting it into perspective” when dead just means dead.

No, you can’t take your chances. “If I get it, I get it.” Shut up, you dolt. If you get it, so do other people, and they could be more vulnerable.

No, this isn’t being blown out of proportion. It’s been formally declared a global pandemic by the World Health Organisation.