The birth of the bridie

“The following poem was written by Past Deacon Ron Hutcheson for the Bridie Supper in 2000,” says Innes Duffus of Dundee who sent it in. A fuller version of the poem is available and I will email that to readers who request a copy. A hundred and fifty years ago, when Victoria was on the throne, She met a German named Albert, and took him for her own. “We’ll honeymoon in the sun,” he said, “away from political scroungers, And I’ll put towels down in the night to book the best sun loungers”. “Eh’d like that fine” replied the Queen “but it’s a different life for us. We have to tour round this land, letting people mak a fuss, One place we’ll hae to visit is the city o’ Dundee; We dinna have to use the train, we can travel up by sea”. When Dundee council received the news they all got quite excited. “If we put on a show” they said, “we’ll maybe a’ get knighted! “We’ll gie a richt guid tidy up tae the road she’ll hae tae march We’ll build a great big monument an’ cry it the Royal Arch”. So the arch was built and the great day dawned; the weather bright and clear And the Dundee Bobbies controlled the crowds that gathered near the pier. Little did they know that sailing often made the Queen feel queasy She’d eaten nothing on that trip to let her tum rest easy. Then through her pangs of hunger the monarch was heard to cry: “Ma belly thinks ma throat’s been cut. Ony chance o’ a Dundee pie?” Now, the Provost was a clever lad and he had had a hunch That this might be a long day and he’d no’ hae time for lunch. So he’d brought along a Dundee pie and left it on a seat, In the hope that later on that day he might have time to eat. Bailie Jimmy Thingmy was the provost’s closest chum But his only claim to fame was that he’d Dundee’s fattest bum. He didn’t really look around at the seat on which he sat, So he plonked his bottom on the provost’s pie and squashed it really flat. The Provost gave a gasp at this calamitous hiatus; Would Bailie Thingmy’s bottom cost the city its royal status? But Provosts are not ordinary men and they’re made to react faster And he realised that Victoria hadn’t seen the pie disaster. He quickly scooped the flattened pie off Bailie Thingmy’s seat, Then turning to the Queen he said: “Here’s Dundee’s newest treat. It’s no’ a’ puffed up like a pie. Ye see it’s flat and tidy; And in honour o’ yer marriage, Ma’am d’ye mind if we creh it a bridie?” Deacon Convener Jimmy Coull, that well-known local sinner, Had also brought a pie along, to have it for his dinner. The provost looked a mite askance, but Jimmy caught his eye And, conscious of the city’s plight, surrendered up his pie. Her visit over, the smiling queen left Dundee feeling happy, Saying: “Wha ever invented the bridie was quite a clever chappie. Ye can keep yer buttered chapatis and chicken kurma frae the east Gie me a Dundee bridie, a truly royal feast.”