The Courier & Advertiser (Perth and Perthshire Edition)
Life Frank after
The death of her husband took Amanda Kopel’s life in a direction she never imagined. She tells Gayle Ritchie about her fight for justice
Amanda Kopel holds up a treasured photo of a glamourous young couple. It’s her and her late husband Frank enjoying a glitzy night out when they were in their early 20s. “People tease me that I’m one of the original WAGS,” she laughs. “Somewhere inside me there’s a Victoria Beckham waiting to get out!”
That’s Amanda for you – bright, warm and sunny with a ready sense of humour. But behind the smiling and joking is a side she protects from the public glare.
“People think I’m coping because I’m laughing, talking and getting out, but life is very lonely without Frankie,” she admits.
“Frankie and I were soulmates. I miss him. But I know he’s pulling strings from heaven, saying ‘keep on going hen’.”
Footballer Frank played in Manchester United’s squad when they won the 1968 European Cup and was part of Dundee United’s great team of the 1970s and 80s. He was just 59 when he was told he had dementia in 2009 and because he was under 65, he was unable to qualify for free personal care.
The Kopel family struggled on for six years, paying around £300 a week to ensure Frank got the care he needed at home.
He reached the qualifying age for free services 19 days before his death in April 2014.
Since Frank’s diagnosis, Amanda has campaigned tirelessly for Frank’s Law – a scheme which would extend free care to under-65s with dementia.
At her home in Kirriemuir, she recalls the moment her life changed forever. “It was the end of our world as we knew it. We wondered whether to go public, but Frankie turned to me and said ‘Amanda – tell them. It’ll be too late for me but it could help other people’. I feel now that I’m finishing a job Frankie started.”
Since then, she has lobbied Parliament and engaged with politicians to raise awareness and seek change and the campaign has garnered nationwide attention from MSPs, celebrities and sporting figures.
Her efforts have yet to be passed into law. Of the 85,807 dementia sufferers in Scotland, 3,201 are under 65 and not entitled to free personal care, but Amanda’s determination is undiminished.
“I’m doing this for Frankie and for all under-65s in Scotland whose lives are damaged by unequal provision,” she says.
“Dementia is a horrible disease whether you’re 45 or 95. Age is just a number so why are people being discriminated against? I refuse point blank to give up.”
That’s not to say there aren’t moments when the going gets tough.
“There was one day when it got too much and I was crying, thinking I wasn’t put on this earth to lobby parliament, speak to councillors and MSPs. And facing all these committees and politicians, I felt quite threatened until one of Frankie’s consultants pointed out I could teach them quite a lot.
“If you’re an ordinary person like me – I’m not academic – it can feel quite overwhelming, but what I do is speak from the heart.”
Amanda and Frank grew up in the same Falkirk street as children. They first met when Amanda was eight and Frank was 10.
He invited her down to the park and kicked a ball while she went on the swing. And even then, she knew he was special. They shared their first kiss at a party when Amanda was 12 and their first date was to watch a football match.
The couple married in 1969 and went
The campaign keeps me going. I refuse point blank to give up
on to have a son, Scott. It was a normal, happy family life – until fate dealt them a terrible blow and Amanda’s world was turned on its head.
“We had a brilliant life until this disease came along,” says Amanda. “It destroyed Frankie’s body and mind but it never destroyed our love.
“Dementia has been described as the ‘long goodbye’ – you watch someone slowly being robbed of their life, of their dignity.”
As the illness took hold, Amanda gave up working in the bank to become Frank’s full-time carer. She recalls a day when he turned to her and asked: “Where do you live?”
“I thought he was joking. I told him where I lived and he said: ‘You do not. Amanda and I stay there. Do you know Amanda?’ I was in pieces but I couldn’t cry in front of him.”
Then there was the time Frank failed to recognise himself scoring his greatest goal, against Anderlecht in 1979, which took Dundee United through to the next round of the Uefa Cup. Not only had he forgotten how skilled a footballer he was, he had forgotten who he was.
Things got progressively worse until Amanda felt she was looking after an “adult baby”.
And because the Kopels were paying for Frank’s care, financial worries added to the burden. The family were forced to sell one of his League Cup winners’ medals and a blazer from when he played at Manchester United under Sir Matt Busby. Touchingly, the collector who bought the blazer returned it after hearing of Frank’s illness.
The family battled to get the correct diagnosis until Frank’s medical history was re-examined by neuropathologist Dr Willie Stewart. “He’d been misdiagnosed and it became clear his disease was caused by football and recurrent head trauma,” says Amanda. “I’ve got photos of Frankie heading balls. I wonder what damage was done then.”
Frank died in Amanda’s arms at their home after picking up a chest infection.
Now, aged 66, when most women are thinking about winding down, she fights a daily battle for justice.
“It’s a very different life without Frankie and one I’d never have imagined,” she admits. “We always spoke about how we’d enjoy our retirement together. It’s difficult to move forwards without him so in a sense, I’m grateful to the campaign as it keeps me going. People say it’s a new chapter in my life.”
Since Amanda ordered the first batch of Frank’s Law T-shirts “to get the message out there”, the movement has gone global.
“People have sent pictures of themselves wearing the T-shirts everywhere imaginable; on top of Mount Vesuvius, in Mauritius, up Ben Lomond, in Tennessee, and a friend has pledged to wear 40 T-shirts at 40 football grounds.
“I’ve an army behind me – Frank’s Army – which boasts people of all ages,
colours and creeds, and it’s growing by the day.”
In June, Amanda received an honorary degree from Dundee University in recognition of her work. “I couldn’t believe that – I was so humbled and honoured. I’ve never looked for accolades or words of praise but it’s lovely to get recognition and hopefully it’ll strengthen the campaign.”
She is also working with a Glasgowbased research team to raise awareness of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy – a form of younger-onset dementia associated with repeated sport-related head trauma.
The campaign has enjoyed several high-profile boosts, with support from Andy Murray, Rafael Nadal, Lorraine Kelly, Game of Thrones actor Ron Donachie and Deacon Blue singer Ricky Ross, which has blown her away.
It’s a story of hope and tenacity – and while it’s not the role she would have chosen it’s one she’s playing with gusto.
“There are days when I think I can’t go on, but then it’s as if Frankie whispers in my ear and says ‘don’t stop Amanda, don’t let them beat you’. I’ll keep on fighting until there’s no more breath in my body.”