Peace and quiet from the kids, with comfy seats? It’s a date!

Lucy Penman

Like many other parents of teenagers, me and Mr P regularly find ourselves roaming the streets on a weekend evening until we are allowed back into our own house.

This is because The Teenager has taken over the house to have a few friends over. We’re not talking wild parties (so far) but young people watching films, eating takeaways and generally hanging out.

We are never explicitly asked to absent ourselves, but I think we both remember back to the olden days when we were in a similar position, so this is fine by us – but unless we have any social commitments ourselves, we have found ourselves in awkward scenes reminiscent of First Dates.

Rather than cracking open a bottle and plonking ourselves in front of a boxset, we have the following exchange: “Er, what shall we do? Shall we go to the cinema – that’s a good length of time... Or just locally for a pub meal or something? Or we could just go for a long walk...”

At this point, both of us are trying to dredge up enthusiasm for spending money on an enforced night out – or worse still, a “date night”.

I’m sorry, I know it’s a thing, but that phrase in relation to married couples makes me cringe. We try very hard not to throw a tantrum and shout: “God, it’s so unfair! I want to sit in my own front room with my own telly and not have to trip over teenagers snarfing pizza!”

We encountered a similar problem in relation to parents standing awkwardly at the back of a gig venue while being the accompanying adult for a group of excitable underage fans.

I am now wondering why no one has hit on the idea of an outreach group for parents chucked out of their homes for teenage socialising, maybe offering a room somewhere with boxsets, comfy seats and BYO wine. And perhaps a video link to check your house is still standing.