Sleepy at work? A Ken Clarke lullaby is not the answer

Well, this is new. I feel sorry for a Conservative MP. At first I chuckled cruelly at news reports Sir Desmond Swayne, member for New Forest West, had visibly nodded off in the Commons with ex-Chancellor Ken Clarke in full flow in the foreground at the time.

“I dozed off for 30 seconds,” said Sir Desmond, who’d been on the go since 5.30am. Sir Des is a posh Tory Leaver who had to repay six grand during the Parliamentary expenses scandal, after he got a new kitchen for his Kensington flat on the taxpayers’ ticket. If there was a list of those I’d be unlikely to defend, he’d be near the top with drivers who don’t indicate, retailers who misuse apostrophes and Piers Morgan.

But I felt terrible for the old boy because we’ve all been sleepy at work. This newspaper was made by people who may be tired. The sub-editors of The Courier work late and hard. When I was one of them, I averaged five hours’ sleep per night because I was also a fulltime dad. I fell asleep a lot. A lot.

I have a memory of feeding a baby while longing desperately for the opportunity to sleep. I gazed in exhaustion at my hard, cold kitchen floor and was seized by a fantasy of lying down there and closing my eyes. Instead, I kept shovelling mush into the baby, and sighed.

The average Briton gets fewer than seven hours of sleep. Experts say many of us are “undersleeping” and the 21st Century is to blame.

We’re stressed, worried. We stare at screens and the effects of the blue light discourage rest. We’re overweight and unhealthy, self-medicating with caffeine to get through the day.

There are different solutions for different people but the first step is to recognise the problem and address it, and not with a bedtime story from Ken Clarke. When was the last time you had a nice early night or a long lie? Let’s give it a try. We all deserve self-care this winter.