Order to resist Google’s ‘help’ to finish our sentences

There’s nothing I like better than a good rant about technology tainting our lives – Google has given me the best opportunity I’ve had for a while. Yes, Google, it may be the best opportunity I have ever had. Thanks for the suggestion, you rage-inducing robotic monster. And for finishing the word “suggestion” for me. Yes, this piece of writing has been completed in partnership with an algorithm. How… chilling.

Gmail, the webmail service offered by a

$700 billion soulless leviathan that seeks to own us all, has started to finish my sentences for me. I’ve never liked using Gmail, fearing invasion of privacy and corporate despotism, but it’s easier to keep the same email address (thanks for finishing that phrase, you gormless automaton) if you move jobs a lot.

Connectivity, clouds and cop-outs are the way forward for me, and now Gmail, for so long a tool to communicate (thanks for completing that word, you hateful construct), is trying to communicate on my behalf.

Here’s how it works, in case this appalling thing has not yet infected you. Start typing and, like autocomplete for a web search, the Gmail text editor suggests how a word or sentence might continue. The idea is it will make life even easier – considering I’m currently being paid by the word, it has helped me on this occasion. But, no, I’m not sharing my writing fee with Google.

If this Frankenstinian word processor worries you, it’s because you’re not as stupid as the tech-savvy invaders of our lives may assume. As culture is homogenised (no, I won’t spell that with a Z, Google spellcheck), so might our language become blander.

I will resist and retain an identity. My voice is my own, and I demand the right to choose my own words, you abomination in digital form.

Google can jog on. I’m switching off the “help” function, and I hope you do, too. Let’s bury this online zombie alongside Clippy, the animated paperclip Microsoft allowed to lurch into the ’90s.

It’s vital we strive for vibrant storytelling in a dull world. We wanna be free, to do what we wanna do.

Now Gmail, for so long a tool to communicate, is trying to communicate on my behalf