Finding cold comfort in a dose of dreaded lurgie

Rab is laid low with a seasonal affliction but tries to look on the bright side and sees some benefits in being under the weather

Urgh, the lurgie. Stand well back, folks, lest ye be contaminated as I have been. I don’t want to sound controversial but I will be quite candid with you and admit I am against the lurgie. I cannot see what purpose it serves, unless it is to make us take some time out, rest and ply ourselves with healthy concoctions.

The trouble is, none of these concoctions work. Not the proprietary, overpriced products they sell in the shops, nor natural lemon and honey, nor chicken soup, nor herbs. Nothing works. Nothing can stop it. You just have to let it take its course, which is frustrating.

The worst thing about it now is the time it takes. In the past, lurgie generally lasted three days.

Now across all ages it seems to take a fortnight to shift, and the cough lingers even longer.

It’s a long time out of your life, as you can’t go to classes or to see your friends.

I don’t know what people who work in offices do with these new long lurgies. I expect they have to go in before it’s fully gone, which spreads it further, leading to more lost working hours.

I used to work with someone who made anyone coming in with lurgie feel really bad. Then he invited a couple of us to his family’s house for dinner and greeted us with: “Hi, we’ve all got the lurgie. Here’s some food we prepared for you.”

Human nature: I’ve found that those most averse to others with lurgie are keenest to pass it on to others.

Somebody mentioned earlier that the lurgie makes us take time out. It can be a guilty joy to skip exercise classes, inhale several hot toddies, and give the outside world a miss.

But I cannot think that this is very good for you. The joy you feel when you get out and breathe fresh air again tells its own story. Also, moving your legs feels good.

Of course, there are lurgies and lurgies. I don’t know if I’ve ever had the flu that people talk about, with aching bones and so forth. Certainly, once or twice over the years I’ve been feverish, and I guess that was probably “flu” as such.

But most of the time it’s just the usual sore throat, blocked up beak and persistent cough. I suffer from a condition that makes me black out during prolonged coughing fits and, this time, I have the bruises on my back to prove it, after collapsing on the stairs. All that from a “cold”.

Probably the only good thing about a cold is appreciating being well again when it’s over. You skip and jump – in the privacy of your own home, of course – before gadding forth to say hello to the trees and flowers.

Actually, one other good thing about having a cold is that you tend to get a power of reading done or listen to music, instead of just having it on in the background. And, while nothing shifts the cold, you probably had some hearty soups and stews, not to mention a small mountain of fruit and veg.

I’m starting to see the benefits here. All together now: yay for the lurgie! Ah, I see none of you are joining in.